This week, Rich's crate houses a French Richard Herring tribute comedian - leading to more crate-related confusion. As the error is rectified, Richard welcomes viewers to the show that Somerset's "Weston Daily Press'" TV reviewer Chris Rundell described as "not at all funny".
Mr Rundell has stated in his review that "television demands a conscious effort to sit down & concentrate on the images and sounds on the screen." leading Stew to believe that the review was less a critique of their show, more a thesis on the premise of television in general.
Whereas Rich is reveling in his newfound fame, Stew apparently is not enjoying it, describing all their audience as obsessive freaks, pointing out one audience member in particular. Rich is hurt. It is his dad. Initially, there is some confusion with an Aardvark-faced man, but it's soon apparent that Rich's dad is in fact, "The amazing pickled man of Somerset". Being a collection of organs in a jar.
Moving on to a pre-recorded sketch, we meet Pestilence - the milkman of the apocalypse.
Tired of waiting for Armageddon, Pestilence has taken up a milk round, much to the chagrin of the other horsemen. Amongst other things, it makes them look like idiots when they go out together. Famine, Death & War on horseback make Pestilence look oddly out of place on his milkfloat.
Returning to the Studio, Stew tells us that this week he's been filling in his organ donor card.
He suggests the audience can have a bit of a laugh with their donor cards, by putting the name of someone you hate in the "In the event of my death please contact" field.
Stew has chosen the Cornish playwright & puppeteer, Patrick Marber as his contact. In the image pictured right, you can see a blipvert added to warn viewers who may be tempted to copy Stew that "Stewart Lee is a Twat". Click the image to your right for the full caption.
Stew points out that Rich is getting a little overweight - Rich defends this accusation using the age old "big-boned" excuse - but concedes, however, that things are starting to get out of hand and recounts his experience with the pizza delivery store where he has become as well known there as any member of the family that runs it. In fact, his custom is so valued that it is he that keeps the firm in business. On return to the Studio, we see Patrick Marber's head atop the Cornish Punch bag, while Rich & Stew go through some diet suggestions. Some diets
you might like to try include the "Eat More, Weigh Less Diet", which doesn't work because if you eat more, you weigh more. Obviously.
"The Cambridge Diet" is also an option, it involves cycling around in a long blue scarf & being rude & obnoxious to ordinary, decent people.
You won't lose any weight, but will be entitled to a part in any film by Kenneth Branagh.
Peter's bit is up next, he introduces us to his friend, Donny Oddlegs (pictured right) and then tells us of suggestions for going on holiday without leaving Balham. To simulate the holiday itself, you can lie on the floor of your bedsit in your pants. You can imagine the lightbulb is the sun, & all the mouse toilets and dirt are sand.
For a holiday romance, you might like to play with your winky for a fortnight. And then never see it again.
You can even simulate your flight being delayed by going to Heathrow airport and sitting in one of the chairs, looking up at the departures board and going "tsk".
Finally, to make friends with someone who speaks a different language, you can go and make friends with the man who is always near the bottle bank by Balham station, drinking medicine & shouting. He never makes sense anyway, so it's as good as a foreign language.
Inspired by Rich's pizza sketch earlier, Peter finished by showing us how to make a delivery pizza.
For when you haven't got a phone.
You'll need a Farley's rusk, some tomato sauce, some cheese wotsits. Maybe a green cloret in place of an olive.
After a bit of bullying from Rich, Peter's bit for the week is over. A
reminder to the audience is given - "The more you sympathise with Pete,
the more we will bully him". Stew shows us his passport, and points
out that in the "Someone to contact in the event of an accident"
field, he has filled in the name of Patrick Marber. Something you at home
might like to try...
A visit to the Gall-ery brings with it the Celebrity Crisp Packet challenge, where famous faces have been secreted amongst crisp packets. Owen Thomas's dad's pants, a magic eye picture made from barcodes which has absolutely no purpose at all. And "whispering" Bob Harris' receipts - showing that he's bought a Stinger chew bar & a copy of Q magazine over the course of a week.
Next up, we're introduced to Adam & Tina Hartiman (Alistair McGowan & Ronni Ancona), the Solihull vampires.
They explain their unusual lifestyle as nothing like the hollywood stereotype of vampires, they don't go around slaughtering unwilling virgins. No - they have a network of friends who help them collect blood which has been spilt by accident, by careless nasal hair clipping, for example.
Invited to the stage to demonstrate, Tina punches Richard, allowing Adam to have a bit of a suck on his face. Stew, meanwhile, casually mentions that he has a cut in a bit of an unusual place, and would Tina fancy coming to have a bit of a suck of it later? Once the vampires have gone, Richard shows his father pictures of Julia Sawalha, introducing her as his girlfriend. His Julia Sawalha shrine is unveiled, and a stern warning is issued to Stewart, he must NEVER venture within the shrine.
Deranged hobby enthusiast Simon Quinlank returns for this week's hobby, entitled - "Photocopying your face onto a piece of paper and then sticking that piece of paper, with sellotape face facing inwards, onto the window of a right-wing celebrity." He chosen to photocopy his face and sellotape it onto the window of Lord Woodrow Wyatt, the News Of The World's "voice of reason".
As usual, the hobby serves little purpose other than to amuse Quinlank - and in this instance confuse Woodrow Wyatt.
On return to the Studio, we see Stewart replacing his "True Fables" coat over his "True Fables" chair, indicating perhaps that another true fable was edited from this week's show. It also transpires that Peter has eaten Richard's jarred father under the mistaken allusion that he was pickles.
As the duo return to their crates, Adam Hartiman clambers in after Stew. It seems that his ruse from earlier has backfired somewhat.