Fist Of Fun
FIST OF FUN SERIES ONE, SHOW FIVE - BROADCAST 9th May 1995 - BUY DVD
This week's "crate gag" involves Lee & Herring's crates being mistakenly placed in the Grandstand Studio. The error rectified, the duo are returned to the rightful studio and the show begins.
When asked what he'd been up to this week, Rich recounts the storyline of the movie "Disclosure", before Stew points out that he's confused his life with the events of a film.
A nice link to the storyline from the Harrison Ford film, "Witness", that of the peaceful & gentle religious cult, the amish, who had forsworn the use of all modern 20th century inventions in favour of a simpler life.
This leads to a pre-recorded insert that tells of the Shrewsbury-based anti-modern community, "The Conkies", named after Ian Conkie - their founder. They have eschewed any invention that came after the 6th of December 1983. Their pastimes involve playing old Atari video games, and the staples of their diet include toasted sandwiches and Soda Stream drinks. Stew does try his best to point out the lunacy of their community, but they're not listening.
They seem to like living their bizarre lie.
Returning to the Studio sees more of Peter's lifestyle hints.
After showing off his new pants, Peter suggests simulating going to an open-air rock concert by going to the High Road & looking at the drunk old lady who dances around singing "Eye Of The Tiger" outside the Abbey National.
You can also join in the fun of the National Lottery for no expense, by getting a form and filling it in as the numbers are called out on the television, and imagining what it would have been like if you'd filled them in an hour previously & won.
An alternative is "Lottery Scratch". Scratch yourself six times in different places, and if three or more of the scratches bleed, you win an extra scratch.
He closes his segment with a recipe for "Easy Pasta". Simply put some pasta in your mouth until the saliva makes it go soft, and then serve. Hideous.
Rich comes over and shows Peter some of the fan-mail he's been getting. He's been getting presents by the looks of things, this week some sweets have been sent in. But they accidentally fall into a bin & accidentally get burned by a stray match.
Once again, Richard warns the viewing public that the more they send in, the more they'll hurt him. Another of Stew's true fables is brought in at this juncture, in defense of Rich's accusations that he is a wazzock.
This week's fable is that of the Ant & The grasshopper, or rather - "The Ant & The Man". As Stew finishes his story, he hears noises from within Rich's "Julia Sawalha Shrine" and goes in to investigate. He finds Rich inside wearing night goggles, and shouting "I love you Julia". Stew notices a number of pictures on the inside of the shrine, including a number featuring Keith Allen, who purportedly had a bit of a thing going with Julia Sawalha.
Keith is obviously a hate object for the jealous Herring. This is confirmed by the presence of a large metal skewer through the pictures of him. Rich tells how he's just passed his driving test this week, but that the lessons have cost him so much he can no longer afford to buy a car, bus tickets, or shoes. It's at this juncture that we meet Peter Dibdin, Rich's driving instructor, a pedantic middle-aged man who keeps his lunch in the glove compartment & wears comfortable driving shoes & gloves.
Another "trademark" Lee & Herring attack on religion follows next as Stew recounts his journey on London's South Circular road. He had passed a church which bore a sign stating that "You won't get to Heaven on the South Circular". "No", he agrees, but "I will get to Tooting, where I live. Where all my stuff's kept."
This gives way to the pantomime-reminiscent "Jesus Behind You" sketch, which first appeared on the radio incarnation of "Fist Of Fun", featuring Jesus running around in the background, mocking Stewart and behaving childishly (Rich: "He's showing you his pants! Jesus is showing you his pants!") while Stew denounces his existence. Coincidentally enough, every time Stew turns round - Jesus isn't there. Written off as Richard's imagination.
Of course, Jesus was just hiding.
Finally spotted by Stew, 'Jesus' comes clean & admits that he wasn't the real Jesus after all, just one of his helpers helping him out through a busy period.
However, Stew is quick to point out that he's simply confused Jesus of Nazareth with Father Christmas. Hilarity ensues.
As the end of the show draws near, Pete announces that Donny Oddlegs has gone missing. Rich finds him, hanging from a noose in the studio, and promptly throws him into a burning bin.
While Pete laments his burning friend, Rich & Stew return to their crates.