That Was Then,This Is Now
SERIES THREE Show One - Broadcast 29th November 2007
Welcome to an historic moment for Rich, as this is series 3 - and never before has he had a 3rd series of anything he's done in his 20 year comedy career.
He's clearly quite excited, yet ironically, this is the thing he's worked least hard on of all the things hes done!
To relieve the stress, he intends to start another anglo-scotch war within 3 minutes
But first, let's meet this week's house band, Schleswig-Holstein, lead - as ever - by Christian Reilly.
Rich sidles up to Christian, asking him what he's been up to since the last series - seems it's been a really busy year, he's just had a baby with his wife. Rich seems strangely disappointed.
So, on with the show: The deluge of water that inspired the creation of Noah's Arc happened this week, according to 17th century Archbishop James Usher it was - specifically - the 25th November 2348 BC.
A sketch follows in which God tells Noah that he's fed up with the wickedness of all the people he created to be wicked, so has decided to organise a great flood to cover the whole world & kill everyone apart from Noah & his wife.
He doesn't want to just magic all the people he doesn't like away.
No, this is the only way to kill them all.
Well, all of them apart from the people with access to boats.
Noah suggests a localised flood in just his toen only. How about that?
That way, Noah can get a rowing boat, and save a dog...
Now it's time for Schleswig-Holstein's song, "Not A Tangerine". Based on the notion that the 27th November 1576 is the birthday of Japanese town Satsuma's leader.
Rich tells us that this week - the 26th November is the birthday of seemingly-pretty-but-look-into-her-eyes-and-you-can-tell-shes-clearly-mental singer Natasha Beddingield, who is perhaps best known for her song; "I Wanna Have Your Babies".
Not a bad proposition, but the by-product of such a union would mean Daniel Beddingfield as a brother in law.
Rich then deconstructs the song as per Warming Up 1th April 2007
TV's Emma Kennedy seems somewhat disheartened, though - "But Rich, if you want to have babies, why don't you have them with me? I am your wife, we got married at the end of the last series..."
Rich seems keen to avoid this issue & moves swiftly on to the next sketch.
On the 26th November 2005, George Best passed away - this leads into a sketch in which George Bests' New Liver meets the rest of his internal organs.
Back to Rich after this, who announces that - despite Henry 8th is his favourite wife-murderer.
But this week in history is a special week for his 3rd favourite wife murderer, Dr Crippin, because he was hung on Novmber 23rd 1910
Christian interjects, curious to know who Rich;s second favourite was?
In case you're wondering - it's Lord Lucan. He only got the nanny, but he was going for the wife, so it still counts.
Now it's time for Emma Kennedy's Rubbish Record Breaker segment.
This week's rubbish record belongs to Elaine Esposito who went in for an appendectomy on August 6th 1941, and fell into a coma - from which she never woke up, dying on 25th November 1978, after the worlds longest coma!
The next sketch picks up on this, and sees Danny Robins at the bedside of Bridget Hill in St Ian's Hospice in Shrewsbury.
She is currently in a coma, and seems set to beat Elaine's record....
But a mere 7 seconds away from breaking it, she wakes up! Thus thwarting her parent's hopes for a place in the record books.
As they wrap up the show, Rich begins to relent on his anti-Emma stance, having spent the previous half hour avoiding any mention of their marriage from the end of the last series. He suggests they get out quick to get started on their new family - but, as she reads the closing credits, Emma realises that she has been poisoned! Rich's evil cackle closes the show....