this morning with richard not judy
THIS MORNING WITH RICHARD NOT JUDY SERIES TWO, SHOW FOUR - BROADCAST 11th April 1999 - WATCH ONLINE
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Well it was a bit of a weird show for us! After 3 weeks of almost too enthusiastic audiences, we suddenly got one that seemed almost asleep. It inevitably affected the show as it is very hard working with an audience who aren't giving you anything back. I slightly blame myself as in the warm-up I asked them to not applaud too vigorously after the sketches cos we had a lot to get in. I think they took it a bit literally. I couldn't believe that even the Robbie William's tattoo didn't get too much response, but that's the way things are.
Provisional figures for Sunday are only 0.5 million which is disappointing. Last Friday was 1.5 - 1.2 - 1 million throughout the show. Usual kind of complaints.
We made a bad error on Sunday (or rather the picture researcher did) in that we were given the picture of the wrong Baroness Young. The one we had is the nice liberal one not the horrid homophobic one. This is genuinely embarrassing especially as I punched her head off. So we might be in a bit of trouble. Don't know how we'll resolve it. (The liberal one is the deputy governor of the BBC too! Ooops!) We are really sorry about this and will doubtless apologise next week.
Here's some more thoughts on the show from me:
1) The 2 Jimmy Savilles - it delighted us to not even attempt the (let's face it) easy impression of JS. The mortuary reference seemed to go over the jogging audience's heads or maybe they weren't listening.
2) My name is Rio - the Duran Duran classic. We had to re-shoot this at the end for the repeat due to "noise spillage". I guess maybe you noticed that at home.
3) Gay week - perhaps the menus weren't the strongest we've done. Didn't help us get off to the start we required.
4) Chris Evans - the last one of these we're going to do, of course parodying his 1to1 adverts.
5) Vicar: daughter in child birth - Genesis does really say that God increased women's pain in childbirth because of Eve's betrayal. We were going to do a sketch about this for Sunday Heroes, but decided to stick to New Testament stuff.
6) Baroness Young and satire - we had to cut a bit of this routine before the show as it looked like we'd be over running, which didn't help things. We also cut Rich's satirical name for Peter Mandleson - Peter Handles bum.
7) Aims - again a poor response (aim 1 actually not getting a single laugh) and culminating in an ad-libbed punch which broke the stick the photo was on. That was accidental. Oh dear. We'll let you know if anything comes of it all.
8) Simon Quinlank - again a very muted response to the character who used to be a mainstay of Fist of Fun. It's hard to believe that none of you watched that show. We'd even made them put in a pause after weak lemon drink for the cheer (which didn't come). I don't think it was the strongest of the Quinlank scripts which we had to write very quickly as a replacement for Rod Hull. I think the later ones will definitely pick up. The gullible man was played by Ivanhoe, who is also the Curious Orange guard.
9) King of the Show - Trevor and Nathalie were dressed as a frog and a bumblebee because these were the costumes that the costume lady found in the costume store. Trev was going to argue about why he had to dress as a frog and how lazy that was, but again there wasn't time.
10) Algernon Nerd - listeners to the radio 1 series might remember this character who appeared briefly back then. Basically it's just a parody of the number of lazy nerd characters that people do. He was carrying a flask of weak lemon drink. It is played by Rich of course who managed to look pretty screwed up as the older Algernon without too much make up.
11) King of the show 2 - Jeanette Muff rightfully won. It is her real name and so she deserved the accolade. The actor Kevin Eldon joined in with the crowning song for old time's sake. Apparently and this is true, Jeanette also has an aunt called Fanny Muff.
12) Lettuces: Illness - We had to reshoot the last scene of this as first time round the team tried to cut corners and use slugs they'd found themselves, but they didn't register. So we got a professional slug and snail handler in. Here's the script
TITLES. "FEELING POOR-LEAF" ETC. INT. BEDROOM. MUM LEAF IN BED. DAD LEAF AND GIRL LEAF STAND BY BED.
MUM Oh oh, George, I'm dying.
GIRL Don't be ridiculous Mum. Its not that bad.
MUM No really. I can feel it. I'm on the way out this time.
DAD Well, lets have a look and see what all the fuss is about.
COVERS THROWN BACK. MUM LEAF IS COVERED IN SLUGS. CANNED LAUGHTER
CANNED LAUGHTER. CREDITS ETC.
13) Lazy comedy slags - yes we did this in the FOF book. Yes thanks for telling us. How many times do we have to go through this. We felt it was worth showing to a larger audience.
There are a few extra sitcoms in the script of show 4. The David Copperfield one was one we wanted to actual film a few post sig sketches about. DC (the 3 of a kind one) was up for it, but we didn't have the time or money to do it.
THE DAVID COPPERFIELDS - second draft 25/2/99
SIT COM MUSIC OVER PICTURE OF MAGICIAN COPPERFIELD, COMEDIAN COPPERFIELD, AND DICKENSIAN COPPERFIELD, WHO POP INTO THE PICTURE AS THEY ARE ANNOUNCED IN THE LYRIC. NAME - "THE DAVID COPPERFIELDS".
SONG Where's that Joker with the laughing grin?
Where's that child so poor and thin?
Where's that glamorous magician?
They're at the flat with three David Copperfields in.
ANNOYING SEINFIELD JAZZ FUNK BASSLINE STING. THEN....
DAVID COPPERFIELD THE COMEDIAN IN A SIT COM FLAT BANGING ON HIS TV WHICH IS NOT WORKING... DOOR KNOCK.
POSTMAN (off) Parcel for David Copperfield.
DAVID COPPERFIELD COMEDIAN LOOKS PLEASED. URCHIN COPPERFIELD ENTERS ROOM.
URCHIN That'll be for me then!
ANNOYING SEINFELD BASSLINE COVERS AS ... THEY RUN TO THE DOOR. PULL THE PARCEL OFF THE POSTMAN AND SQUABBLE. IT BURSTS OPEN. LOADS OF MAGIC TRICKS AND PARAPHERNALIA FALL OUT. THIS TAKES ABOUT 5 SECONDS. COPPERFIELD COMEDIAN HOLDS UP A LIVE WHITE RABBIT AND LOOKS TO CAMERA.
C'FIELD I tell you, there's too many David Copperfields in these flats.
BBC 2 SPINNING WORLD 1970'S LOGO.
V/O The David Copperfields. A new sitcom from the writer of Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, tonight on BBC2.
DAVID COPPERFIELD TWO
DAVID COPPERFIELD IN HIS FLAT. KNOCK ON DOOR. SEINFELD RIFF AS HE GOES TO ANSWER IT. THERE ARE TWO SUPERMODELS THERE.
MODEL Oh, it said David Copperfield on the bell.
DAVID That's me.
MODEL Oh... um.
DAVID Oh you want David Copperfield, the magician. He lives upstairs. Yes confusing isn't it?
THE GIRLS GO TO LEAVE. AS DAVID IS SHUTTING THE DOOR, THE URCHIN RUNS PAST
URCHIN Wait for me girl!
MODEL Aaaah, isn't he cute.
THE DOOR IS SHUT
DAVID I tell you, there are too many David Copperfields in these flats.
END TITLE MUSIC STARTS UP
DAVID COPPERFIELD IS IN HIS FLAT. THE DOOR BELL RINGS. SEINFELD RIFF AS HE GOES TO ANSWER. TWO POLICEMEN AT THE DOOR.
POLICEMAN David Copperfield?
DAVID Yes officer.
POLICEMAN We'd like to question you about the disappearance of the Statue of Liberty.
DAVID Ah, no you want the other David Copperfield.
POLICEMAN C'mon sonny, come quietly.
DAVID No, he lives here too. He's a magician.
POLICEMAN (SARCASTIC) Two David Copperfields in one block of flats.
DAVID There are three actually.
POLICEMAN MAKES NUTTER SIGN. THEY GRAB HIM AND COSH HIM
DAVID I tell you. There are too many David Copperfields in these flat
DAVID COPPERFIELD IN HIS FLAT. MAGICIAN MUSIC AND GIGGLING GIRLS NOISE COMING THROUGH THE ROOF. DAVID BANGS THE ROOF WITH A BROOM
DAVID Keep the noise down up there David Copperfield.
THE NOISE GETS LOUDER. DAVID SHAKES HIS HEAD. THERE IS A KNOCK ON THE DOOR. DAVID ANSWERS. A MAN IN DICKENSIAN COSTUME (MR MURDSTONE) IS AT THE DOOR, HE HAS A CANE.
MR MURDSTONE David Copperfield?
MR MURDSTONE Listen my lad, your mother tells me you haven't been doing your lessons properly at school.
DAVID Oh no, I think....
MR MURDSTONE Your father's dead so I'm your father now, and you have to understand that...
WHILST MR MURDSTONE IS LOOKING THE OTHER WAY, THE URCHIN DAVID COPPERFIELD COMES IN AND BITES HIM ON THE HAND. THEN RUNS OFF BEFORE HE IS SPOTTED. MURDSTONE ASSUMES IT'S THE 3 OF A KIND COPPERFIELD AND STARTS TO BEAT HIM WITH A WHIP
DAVID I tell you. There are too many David Copperfields in these flats.
14) Quagga milk - the cat had never appeared on TV before and was scared in the first take by Rich's spitting the milk out. The Quagga milk was made out of yoghurt, cottage cheese and something brown. I like the way so much milk comes out of the animals. The Quagga is a real extinct animal.
15) The Curious Orange - clearly a Silence of the Lambs spoof, but no-one seemed to enjoy it in the audience. The joke about the pen is that Hannibal Lecter escapes using a bit of a pen that was left in his cell. Again, no real recognition of this. Ivanhoe reprieved his role as the guard.
16) Woman of sinful life - for my money one of the more offensive of these. Emma is the woman of sinful life. This is based on a real conversation Jesus had with the Pharisees. We cut a bit about not offering him "olive oil for my head". It was funny but the sketch was just too long. Stu improvised the consider this nan bread bit (it was going to be consider the lily)
17) Nostradamus - This went down brilliantly in the Saturday rehearsal, but again got almost nothing in the studio (may be a problem as this is one of the items cut from the Friday repeat) We particularly enjoyed David Collins punching Stu and the blossoming love between Rich and Nostrad. Many of you have asked why the horse is called David Collins. Well what we say is why not? Will her, I mean his, predictions come true? If you spot any then do let us know.
Prediction 1 - A cartoon will appear in a national newspaper of a recently deceased celebrity arriving at the Pearly Gates.
Prediction 2 - The "comedian" Stewart Lee will be trampled by a horse and maybe then he won't think he's so clever
Prediction 3 - They will think they have seen the Sun at night, when they see the half-pig man and one will hear brute beasts speaking..
18) Histor - Hooray good old Bernie Clifton (whose legs put Nostradamus to shame) He was a very nice man and we may see his return later in the series. You may remember him from Crackerjack and other such performances. A real pro. A slight Rod Hull reference in the line "I am him" of course. I had been looking forward to Rod Hull pretending to be Nostradamus in week 10, and thus having 3 false limbs, but alack, it is not to be
19) Robbie Williams tattoo - Emma Kennedy drew on the tattoo, which may return in future weeks. There was a late shifting around of material and so Robbie saying "Curse you God etc" was ad libbed during the dress rehearsal on Sunday. It was astonishing that even this spectacle couldn't make the studio audience laugh hard! Someone says in the quotes bit that I was holding my stomach in. I assure you that I was not. I was actually sticking it out as far as it would go at one point. Maybe they were confused by my "flexing" to make Robbie speak
20) Unusual Priest: Quagga - Nothing to say except it's a bit like one we did last series.
21) Denouement - again disappointed that the sperm whales, humpback whales bit didn't go down better, but we got a bit distracted by the counting down to the end of the show (in our ear pieces) Again the orange escaped using hannibal Lecter's face stealing trick. Did you see TCO's false teeth fall out at the end of the show in the ambulance. Trevor got to speak again too, but then it was an emergency.
Hope you enjoyed the show at home. It was our least favourite to perform of the series and just seems to have got us into trouble, but never mind.