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Fist Of Fun
FIST OF FUN SERIES TWO, SHOW FIVE - BROADCAST 15th March 1996
Welcome to episode five of "The a and the fist of fun. At ten.". This week, Rich & Stew are breathing a sigh of relief that they didn't get hit by the runaway Chinese satellite. Rich's theory for the Chinese invasion of Taiwan is, of course, that Taiwan make all the toys that go inside Kinder Eggs, and China wants all the toys without having to pay for the eggs.

Rich's Kinder Egg Theory
Stew wastes no time, however, in pointing out that Rich has ascribed his own motives for invading Taiwan - confusing them with those of the Chinese governments'.
Rich collects Kinder Egg toys, you see, and he puts them all in a big glass cabinet in his house. He keeps the chocolate too. In his tummy.
 Old & Grey

This week, Richard's been to the cinema, where he saw "Seven" which he was impressed by. Not least due to the fact that it made perfect sense on it's own - even though he hadn't seen one, two, three, four, five or six. Stew tries to tell him that the film is not part of a sequence, but Rich isn't listening. He goes on to tell of how much he enjoyed the film that he went looking for more in the series. He couldn't find many - just "10" & "2001", but by the time he's finished counting back from 2001 Rich & Stew are old and grey. They have beards.

Peter Dibdin returns once more, charging twenty pounds a lesson & trying to teach all the stupid, none-driving idiots the Peter Dibdin Traffic light sequence song;
"Red is the colour of the apple so fine - STOP, red and amber is the sunset in the evening time - GET READY, green is the frog all covered in slime - GO, amber is the sunrise in the morning time - STOP, UNLESS BREAKING WOULD BE MORE DANGEROUS THAN CONTINUING, and that is the order of the traffic lights sign."
Of course, no-one can remember this - leading to plenty of Peter Dibdin insults.
Returning to the Studio, RIch & Stew are discussing chart music. It's great the The Beatles are back in the charts, according to Rich. Stew, on the other hand, thinks it's great only if you like the idea of a bunch of old C90s cobbled together in an attempt to metaphorically piss into the open grave of one of the greatest songwriters that has ever lived.
Well, Rich does like that - that's exactly what he likes. The pissing aspect in particular - but only in a metaphorical sense of course.

Rich then heads out into the audience to interview Nick Wood, the self-styled "tenth Beatle". Unfortunately, it transpires that Nick's claim to being the tenth Beatle lies only in the fact that he saw an advert for a drummer in an old Liverpool Echo in 1982. He doesn't play the drums, and wasn't born until three years after The Beatles had split. Stew follows Rich out at this point to inform Nick Wood that his claim to nearly being in the Beatles is a vain one. He wasn't even alive when The Beatles were going.

"Oh, so you want me to have been alive in the sixties as well as nearly being in The Beatles? You want the moon on a stick."
And yet more moon/stick accusations are flung at Stew, forever in denial that he does actually want the moon on a stick.
This sketch is also noteworthy for a continuity error, highlighted by one of Lee & Herring's trademark "blipverts", in which the man behind the shot takes his coat off between takes, making him look like he's donned the coat in a split second once the takes were edited together.

Blipvert
Yellow Coat Man

Peter's back for his bit next, in which he shows us the delights of eating out cheaply in Balham.
To simulate eating in a pavement cafe, for example, you can venture to a petrol station & sit on the plastic chairs they have for sale outside. Or, if you fancy a curry, you can go to the Balham Tandoori Restaurant and pretend to read a menu. While doing so, stuff your mouth with bread - forcing it into your cheeks like a hamster would, and then smelling in all the smells from other people's food & combining them with the bread.

As Peter hands back, Stew tells of his recent visit to Somerset, and how he saw for the first time how beautiful it was, and how warmly welcomed he was by it's inhabitants.

Rich doesn't believe him, because he's always been slagging the South Western County. He goes as far as comparing him to "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" , and so begins a re-enactment of said fairy tale.
Stew is placed as the shepherd of a small village, the economy of which id very much dependant on the sheep farming industry, and proceeds to wind the villagers up, repeatedly, by alleviating his own boredom and calling false wolf attacks out to them.

It's about as close to Stewart Lee solo stand-up as Fist Of Fun ever gets & takes eight minutes to tell a story we already know in much more detail than is strictly required.