Welcome to VEntertainmentV!

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Cait: aha

Cait: we have life

ACTION: graeme drums fingers, nervously, in anticipation

Alexa: hi guys we're here now!

ACTION: tre is VERY excited

graeme: ah-ha!

Cait: Hello Stew - come in stew

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graeme: my favourite band

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graeme: still

Alexa: hi cait

Kurious: hello

Richard: Hello I have arrived on the internet. Why don't we just use the phone. It's easier

Alexa: we're live from the fringe

Cait: and Richard as well - hello boys

graeme: we are using the phones, i think

Cait: in the textual sense

graeme: the cables under my floor, in particular

tre: hey stew and rich

Stew: If you are Cait Hurley, Cait, just phone me up, as this chat page is for people who think the internet is better than just speaking or writing.

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Cait: I shall just alert other users of the divine presences. (runs off to shout at other users)

Richard: Hello to you all. Thank you for having us. Can we go now?

SlowMo: What's your number, Stew?

graeme: give me telephone number then, and I will (home no.)

Alexa: For those not in the know this the live chat with Lee & Herring.. (fist of fun, anyone?) live from the Cayber Cafe in Edinburgh

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Alexa: Cyber cafe, I meant

Stew: Someone ask us a question then

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Cait: Stew - the Internet is the future of communication, which could involve speaking over it if you were interested - which you aren't. However - it is. So.

graeme: are you joined at the hip?

Alexa: So, Stewart, was that your toilet grafitti in the famous grouse house?

Richard: Our numbers are secret. I don't even know Stew's

tre: stew - do u still collect embarrasing passport photos

Kurious: Stew: did you dod a warm up gig in Cambridge recently?

Kurious: do, even

tre: no one's asking rich any questions

Richard: Stew, how are you enjoying Edinburgh?

Rico: Okay, "What's the secret of good comedy?"

SlowMo: Stew, what should we ask Rich?

Kurious: rich : how is the size of your waist?

Kurious: expanding?

Stew: Alexa? What was the toilet grafitti in The Famous Grous House? Tre - yes I still collect passport photots I have about 1300 now. Kurious - I didn't do a warm up gig in cambridge, but i did do a ball there.

Rico: "Timing"

Rich19: stew : Where the hell did you get the idea for Rod Hull from in FOF??

Kurious: how is Kev Eldon?

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Richard: My waist is quite large. My trousers are 36"

Elleski: hi

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Alexa: Stew: "put a little birdhouse in your soul" it was dated last year, signed s.lee

Kurious: Rich: do you still want Chris South Newspaper Columns?

Richard: We got the idea for Rod Hull from looking at Rod hull and then changing him

SlowMo: 36" flares?

RB: Hi everyone

tre: rich - do u still collect kinder egg toys?

Richard: I don't wear flares. I am like the Sex Pistols in that respect

Kurious: I used to send them in...

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Cait: technical, Rich - very technical

Rich19: Richard : Why pick on poor Rod?? ;-)

tre: and peter

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graeme: will there ever be any good jokes about computers?

Kurious: how is peter?

Richard: Yes I do collect kinder toys, but i no longer need to buy them myself as people keep sending me them

Richard: Peter is too gorgeous

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Stew: Kevin Elodn is up here actually, doing Cluub Zarathustra with me and some other people and also a punk covers band with Bill Bailey. he seems quite grumnpy and the other night we had an argument and I told him he made me sick to the stomach.

Kurious: oooh you vain man

Kurious: (sorry)

Cait: why? What's he been doing?

graeme: richard, do you regret saying you collect kinder eggs when in fact you could have said "I collect gold bars"?

tre: stew - are have u got married yet?

Richard: We pick on Rod because it seems riidiculous that anyone should want to pretend that they are really him and his life is based on lies (false arm) and from thence clever satire of false identity can arise

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Stew: Peter is very well thank you very much. Only the other day he and I had a good laugh at the cover of the Sparklehorse lp, a kind of child-faced balloon, which Pete found v amusing.

Richard: I do regret that yes Graeme, though I don't think your ruse would work

Cait: how's things going with Rita, Rich?

Rico: Hey, talking of covers - I've heard No Way Sis, the Oasis covers band, might be playing version of the new Be Here Now album at V97 this weekend. That would be so funny - playing the album live before the Gallaghers do!

graeme: That's true, richard, because I wouldn't send you one!

Stew: I'm getting married next year, Tre, thanks for asking.

graeme: ho

graeme: ho

Rich19: Richard : You just want the moon on a stick you do ;-)

Alexa: Cait: I saw Rich's jiggly bits today

orkney: dont do it

Cait: you really don't want to talk about that, alexa

Richard: Exc Rita is going very well. We're selling out and the public love it. One snotty review in the Scotsman but otherwise good coverage too

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Cait: excellent :)

Alexa: cait: there was a full house today

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cricket17: hi everyone

Richard: No Rich 19 Stew wants the moon on a stick. Why don't you listen?

Cait: Stewart Lee - what of your Moby Dick hour?

Rich19: Stew/Richard : Is that sketch with the driving instructor based on personal experience?

graeme: What were the other titles in contention apart from Ex Rita for your show?

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Alexa: Rich: yes, you lambasted that scotsman reporter in this morning with richard not judy the other day. however, my favourite was making the sun reporter put the condom over his head

DavidP: Stew, how's your stand-up show going? When I saw it at the BAC it was your first night and a little scruffy, but still good fun.

DJ-AJ: whassup all

Waggy: Whats this room about?

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Richard: Yes Rich19, it is . It is based on my real drivig instructor who was the same as Peter Dibdin except he was called Peter gomez. He made a fortune out of me

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tre: cait - change the topic so people know

Alexa: Rich: by the way when is the interview with the sun... er... reporter going to be out?

DJ-AJ: I provide entertainment for 100's of peeps

Richard: Alexa, I am disappointed that my jiggly bits were the only thing you felrt worth noting in my fabulous and clever play

graeme: can you charge royalties if someone makes a joke about you?

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Richard: Alexa

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snoopy: HIIIIIIIIIII

Rich19: Richard : And what about 'The king of all hobbies'? Basend on anyone you know/knew?

Richard: why don't you just ask me face to face, you're just sitting next to me. I don't know. In the next couple of days I guess

Rico: You two are 'celebs' you've got to expect trouble from tabloids...

Stew: Cait - my Dick show is going ok. There is a basic design flaw in it though - the two halves are very different and don't really square up. If i was ever going to do anything else with it or do it for longer or had time i would re-write about a 3rd of it, but that's impossible up here. I'm doing a more improvisatory style of stand up in it unlike anythging I havce done before which has been very interesting, a poses stylistic problemns for the futiure I think.

Alexa: Well what can you expect from a hands-free wanking machine?"

SlowMo: DJ-AJ you must be quite famous then?

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snoopy: is no one going to talk to me??

graeme: this is the Lee & Herring Experience, room, Waggy AJDJ, they were once in the Mary Whitehouse Experience (I think)

Stew: Rico - we're not celebs really. The sun talked to us yste3rday but that's it.

Kurious: rich: sorry, if i didn't see your reply, but do you still collect Christopher South signed photos?

Cait: Imro? Stewart Lee? I thought you went green at the word. Sounds good.

graeme: or was that someone else?

graeme: harry hill, maybe?

Cait: Impro even

Yawn: question is... are Lee & Herring typing their own replies?

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Richard: Simon Quinlank is based on laods of people including ourselves (Stew obsessed with his record), but mainly a bloke who used to do a slightly strang Janet Ellis fanzine

Rico: My mum recognises you. That's celebrity.

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Alexa: Yawn: Yes they are sitting right here...

Rico: And my Auntie Wendy

Cait: I can guarantee they are, Yawn

Yawn: multi-talented eh?

Richard: We are typing our own replies yes, do you think we have slaves who would do it for us

Stew: Impro Cait, yeah - but we live and learn. At least minbe doesn't revolve around just doing stuff in Shaekespearen or surreal style etc for ever.

Kurious: probably

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graeme: did someone say you collect passport photos? WHy?

Yawn: I do Richard

Stew: We are replkying yes so so be grateful you twats

Chappo: Rich, how's Edinburgh

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Rico: You have to improvise rather quickly in some of these chat rooms

Richard: It is the Athjens of the North Chappo. And as hot at the moment

Stew: I collect passport photos to document the ignominy of the human face

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Rich19: laters ppl

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SlowMo: Yawn - Rich has an octopus typing his - that's why he's saying so much.

Yawn: lol

Richard: Goodbye Rich 19 I look forward to meeting the other 18

Richard: What does lol mean?

Kurious: rich and stew: did you get into a fist fight last year?

DavidP: Do you have any more news on your new TV series, like when is it?

Alexa: Richard: So, why the beard? Just for the show, or a personal choice?

Yawn: laughs out loud

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Richard: I see thank you yawn

Yawn: ;-)

ACTION: Albatross is in the house

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graeme: do people come up to you in internet chat rooms and say "If you're a comedian, tell us a joke then.."?

Rico: Are you two managed by Avalon as well?

Richard: The beard is for the show. i am playing a curmudgeonly archaeologist

Cait: Rich - I thought you were in to this chat gubbins

disgusterpated: hey TRE!

Alexa: Richard: So beard=curmudgeon?

tre: hey dis

Stew: We did get into a fight last year yes. I was on heavy medication at the time and it was caused by an argument over thge correct use of the wp printer. Unfortunately the fight was broken up by a woman in the office over the corridor so we do not know who would have won

Richard: we are managed by Avalon. We have a new TV series next Feb. Not FOF, but similar

Rico: Virgin Net is well in with Avalon then...

Richard: Is lol sarcastic then?

simon: What this all about then?

Kurious: no

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Cait: Rico - I wouldn't go that far

tre: depends on the subject rich

Yawn: erm, not always richard lol is as sarcastic as you want it to be

Cait: simon - we ask the famous TV coedians Stewart Lee and Richard Herring questions, and they answer them

Alexa: Rico: we're not excusively avalon - we have ben moor in tomorrow

Richard: No Alexa, but beards grow only on monkeys and c*nts

Kurious: what happened to the gallery on the second series of FOF?

Stew: Everyone talk to Ben Moor tomorrow. he speaks your lanuguage.

disgusterpated: hi Kur

Richard: WE didn't do it because we didn;t have time -the Gall-ery that is

Rico: If you're a comedian, tell us a joke then (just proving to Graeme that, yes, they do...)

Yawn: and make us all lol

Kurious: i remember that bootleg bootleg beatles sketch when i saw the recording....

Cait: oh, Rico - that's the worst thing you can say to anyone fer gads sake

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ACTION: Kardin could do with a joke

Richard: We know no jokes

Yawn: ho hum

graeme: richard, what's the longest you dare go without shaving?

Ian: it'syour job, surely

Richard: Yes I remember that bootleg beatles sketch too, what's your point

Rico: No no no - I was having a go at Graeme's question earlier...

malaclyps: how's edinburgh going --- has Cluuuuuub Zarathustra started yet?

Ian: imagine a milkman with no milk

Kurious: it never got shown

Stew: We can't tell yoiu a joke as they are designed to be told within the context of the stage/tv environment and this is very different, rendering the surprise element obsolete and vocal inflexions unrepeateable in cyber terms. I hope this answers your question.

Alexa: Stewart, you swindler, I didn't get a copy of Moby Dick!!!

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Albatross: Richard Herring, what happened to you for your stag night?? left on remote island???

Cait: This I have to do everyday, Ian

Richard: imagine a internet bloke with no friends Ian, oh no i don't haveto

Rico: Where's the punchline in that then??

Stew: Alexa - I couldn't afforda copy of M Dick for everyone, but thy're ponly 1n the shops anyway.

Yawn: Do you find internet interviews hard work because they aren't scripted in advance and are a bit of a free for all?

graeme: what's the secret of good TIMING! comedy?

SlowMo: Pot Noodle, anyone?

Rico: Yes I do Yawn

Richard: No, Yawn. I don'rt script any conversation in advance and manage to get through the day. Also our morning show has no script and we get through that OK

Yawn: erm rico have you ever been interviewed ;-)

ACTION: Kardin whispers to cait "whats going on in here tonight ?"

Cait: aaaanyway - what's happened thus far up north - any good naughty stuff going on? Or the usual late twenties Pleasance drinking

Albatross: stew, would you write material for Russ Abbot?

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disgusterpated: hi kardin

Kardin: hi dis

Rico: Apparently Nick Owen can do that as well, Richard

graeme: who is the comedian's comedian?

Stew: I would write material for Russ Abbott yes, but not Smith & Jones. Go figure.

Stew: I am the comedian's comedian.

Richard: Cait, i have been in bed by 11 pm most nights, sadly alone, so no gossip from me. I've evern been swimming every day but 1. I have a very healthy life up here for a change

Rico: Yawn - actually I have - on Richard and judy, and Anne and Nick!

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Yawn: lol

Kurious: i met Gryff Rhys Jones..

Yawn: roflol

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disgusterpated: bad luck

Kurious: ...he was a pretentious twat

Richard: Nick owen is quite a good bloke

DJ-AJ: Richard, r u the more dormant of the two of you then?

Stew: What was GRJ like Kurios. Was he pissed or on drugs?

malaclyps: hahahahahah

Cait: Hmm - that's very good - I shall have to get you horribly drunk tomorrow night

Rico: You're right Richard

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Richard: Griff RJ is rubbish

graeme: have either of you done any adverts?

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tre: or are likely to?

DJ-AJ: Richard, r u the more dormant of the two of you then?

Stew: We wouldn't do any adverts as they are for cocksucking media whores like GRJone.

Richard: Drink Diet Coke. It is great

Cait: Rich - provides work for writers though - have some compassion

Rico: Nick - once the camera's off him is a tasty geezer

graeme: (dormant or dominant?)

Albatross: stew, what do you think of these cheap crappy US comedys like 3rd rock from the sun?

DJ-AJ: Dormant

DJ-AJ: and reciever of jokes

tre: hey rev

ACTION: RevMarilynManson likes 3rd rock !!!!

RevMarilynManson: hiya tre :o)

Stew: I haven't seen 3rd rock but I like Friends, Simpsons, Bevis & Bhead, Duckman etc

graeme: why are people who drink Diet Coke always too late?

Alexa: stew: ya, do you guys want to perform in america at all?

RevMarilynManson: friends ??? argh, noooo

Albatross: richard - ever performed in USA?

DJ-AJ: go Stew!

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graeme: if you had a fight, who would win?

SlowMo: They did, no-one did.

Albatross: richard : peformed in an unusual country like Albania?

Stew: We just performed in Montreal. Most of the US acts were awful and we went really well cos we were a bit different, but I think any British acts would have had the same experience.

SlowMo: Work it out, graeme

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Alexa: Richard, what was

DJ-AJ: yeah, I know how it is

Kurious: are you going to tour soon?

graeme: i'm trying slomo, give me a minute...

Cait: I heard that there was a hell of alot of Racist humour in Montreal

Stew: Rich has crashed folks so there's only me now sorry

Ian: into what?

Alexa: Richard's terminal is down

graeme: that's a relief stew i only like you anyway

RevMarilynManson: charming!

DJ-AJ: Richard is next to you?

DavidP: Well he is from Somerset

Stew: There was a lot of anti-gay and racist stuff in Montreal, which would have been ok but it wasn't even funny

malaclyps: yeah, that other guy has a beard

disgusterpated: REV-The room mate

Rico: What's unusual about Albania? It's been on maps for ages, unchanging in its boundaries, contours and stuff

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ACTION: tre jumps on a tabble and announces I LOVE STEWART LEE

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Alexa: Stew: So were you surrounded by european mimes up there in Canada?

tre: sorry

Rico: It holds no surprises

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Kardin: stew, so where are you now - in a cyber cafe or somet ?

Kurious: i'm with tre

tympanik: Stew, why do you sometimes do music reviews in The Sunday TImes?

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Stew: There were no mimes in Montreal, just blokes talking about their cocks and the difference between men and women

Richard: I am dormant at the moment, like a mouse of some kind, but when I erupt you'd better run for cover

Albatross: stew : what music do you boogie on down to?

DJ-AJ: I like Harry Enfield...Stew, do u like him?

simon: Canadians have to talk about something

Alexa: ok folks I am now going to change into Richard

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graeme: what are you wearing?

DJ-AJ: reminder:

graeme: underwear-wise?

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ACTION: DJ-AJ reads the packet...if there's ever any problem with your cheesy peas, please return the contents, making sure it's still frozen when they arrive here, to: Bumpkin Foods ltd, 1-3 Somerset Industrial Estate, Tractorville TR1 8MP

Rico: Not to dance to, surely DJ-AJ?

ACTION: Kardin uses his magic fairy dust to revive Richards apparent dead terminal

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Cait: Alexa - I really don't need to visualise that, thanks

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Stew: At the moment I like Radiohead, The Gourds, DK3, Grant Mclennan and the Boxhead Ensemble.

Rico: Fatty Tucker?

Kurious: what about the Fall:

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Albatross: stew : did you ever watch The A-Team and like it?

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Cait: aha! You *like* Radiohead now? turncoat (g)

ACTION: RevMarilynManson loves the a team

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cat: hi

graeme: Would Thom Yorke make a good stand-up comedian if he tried, Stew?

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ACTION: disgusterpated didn't know Rev liked Coal Chamber

Richard1: Hey, I'm back and this time I'm Richard 1

Rico: Who of the old guard comics do you each like?

Stew: Yes - the Fall obvioulsy, but nothing nw for a year. They were here the other night but I was working. The bloke who used to so the sleeves in the early 90's has replaced Scanlon - I'd love to have seen his foirst gig but there y'go...

ACTION: RevMarilynManson loves em

tre: so which is the real richard?

tympanik: Is there anymore FOF in the pipeline Rod Hull?

ACTION: disgusterpated does too!!

Kurious: i read about that Fall gig

Albatross: richard : would you ever present something like the Brit Awards?

Richard1: We like michael palin who hasn't sold out. And laods of others. How old is old?

graeme: richard1 is a better name, less confusing

graeme: do you work for avalon, albatross?

Rico: Type faster

Stew: I like radiohad now because they sound more like King Crimson than a crap English indie band... they got loafds better. The first album is still rubbish though.

tre: stew and richard - where was the best place u performed at on tour?

Richard1: I'd presnet the Brit awards if i was asked, but i doubt i would be

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Rico: King Crimson! Al Murray was in here the other night and mentioned them too!

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tre: well sam fox was

Stew: Kurious - did you see a review of The Fall gig? What did it say? Was Smith straight?

Richard1: Everyewher on tour was great. Glasgow was a lot of fun

Cait: tru - has to be said - what was that band from europe you talked about in the ST this week? sounded interesting

Albatross: richard : did you ever watch and like 'The Fall Guy'?

ACTION: Rico begins to plot the King Crimson revival cash-in...

Cait: but then, I should shut up really shouldn't I

Richard1: I don't have as big a chest as sam Fox though do i

Yawn: Who are your favourite stand-up comedians?

Stew: The band from Europe was Port Friendly

Kurious: Yeah...i'm subscribed to fallnet...i read it briefly...

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Kurious: i think they said smith was not straight...

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Stew: K - what did it say ... ANSWER ME!!!

Richard1: I have seen the fall Guy - do you mean the one with Lee majors or the one with that bloke off moviewatch?

Albatross: richard : Lee Majors

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Kardin: what was the kids name ?

Kardin: i forget

SlowMo: I AM the unknown Stewntman....

Kurious: and one of the people who went said they got out before the band came on because they wanted to breathe

graeme: could Mark E be a stand-up comedian if he tried? All I'm trying to establish is, is it difficult?

SlowMo: Jodie

Kardin: Jodie was the cute babe

Cait: So when are you on tonight, Stew - trying to plan itinery tomorrow

Kurious: mark e IS a stand up com

Richard1: Yes, I liked the theme tuen and the in joke about Farrah Fawcett majors particularly, there are not enough Stewnt men/boiunty hunter programmes on TV these days

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SlowMo: Heather Locklear

Stew: I am on at 8 on my own in Moby Dick and 10 in club z and mid-day with RH

graeme: bunty hunter? as in the comic?

Kurious: apparently the Cas Rock was packed out wit hfriends of the band

Rico: "Are you still doing what you were doing three years ago? Well don't make a career oudofit!" _ Mark E SMith 1979. Could he make a stand-up? No.

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Richard1: Stop talkign about rubbsih pop music

Stew: Kurios - was it any good, ANSWER THE QUESTION!!!!

tre: stew and richard - are you planning or would u release a record for charity/cash

DavidP: Stew, you're going be knacked doing all that for the whole festival

Alexa1: Stew: Have you done much other work with Simon from club Z, on the radio maybe?

Albatross: richard : Were you a fan of Street Hawk?

Richard1: We have no plans for a record

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Richard1: Street hawk, I didn't like

SlowMo: Biounty hunter, as in 6 million dollar man with the munchies

Kurious: i DON'T KNOW i think it was ok...the bloke who did the brief review said he couldn't remember much about it!

Albatross: richard : Knight Rider?

Kardin: ohhhhhhh dear not street hawk, airwold, the A-Team (with guns who never killed anyone) etc..... :)

graeme: The best Fall album was Kurious Orange. [light goes on in head... Doh!]

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Alexa1: From crap pop music to 80s tv.....

tympanik: What about Airwolf?

Richard1: Knight Rider -OK. I liked the talking car aspect

RevMarilynManson: sane here

Synik: hi all

Kardin: and the flashing lights on the front of the car

RevMarilynManson: knight rider ruled

Kardin: admit it - who wanted some for there car !

Yawn: hi Synik

Richard1: Airwolf, no. Didn't the bloke break his back recently?

Kardin: come on - be honest

Stew: Rico - I saw this band last month called the country teasers who were exactly like Totale's Turns era Fall and they played this song that was the same as Fiery jack and afterwards I shouted out, "Are you doing waht you did three years ago?" and the singer said, "Yeah - but i won't make a career out of it." I was clever

spud: what about spot the dog..taliing dog aspect?

Rico: There are loads of Knight Rider urban myths, as it happens...

Albatross: richard : not forgetting Monkey of course

Kurious: stew: is there EVER going to be another radio show?

tympanik: No, I thought he had Cancer or somit

Synik: hey alexa1, level 9 on Dungeon Keeper last night - I'm getting there.

Stew: Graeme - the best Fall album is not KO. It is HEX ENDUCTION HOUR

graeme: they're making a series in US now: Team Knight Rider... Power Rangers meets Kit..

Richard1: Enough 70s/80s TV already

Kurious: Stew: you should join FallNet

Albatross: graeme : cool, I don't think - it will be ruined

Alexa1: synik: heh. cool. i'm on level 20 (just a side note)

Rico: Stew: nice! (Did you have the live at the electric cicus mini-LP then?)

RevMarilynManson: yeah, agreed

Kardin: yeahh give me telletubbies any day !

Albatross: richard : what food do you like?

malaclyps: he likes all food

tre: richard - which comedians do u rate (apart from yourselves)

Richard1: I like pizza and curry. I don't eat meat. Thai food is the best though

Rico: Bring back blue vinyl!

tympanik: Jellllyyyyy!!!

RevMarilynManson: teletubbies!!!!!

Cait: Owen just called me from Canada - bonkers - great timing

RevMarilynManson: kewl!

Stew: Rico - I don't have the Electric Circus ep, but I have got Fall In A Hole ON VINYL!

Albatross: richard : do you exercise?

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Kurious: so has all of FallNet

tympanik: Green Flavoured JEEELLLYYY!

Richard1: I like Stewart lee, Simon Munnery, harry Hill, Frank Skinner, Al Murray

ACTION: RevMarilynManson thinks lala and po are kewl!

Rico: Right, Stew. You're probably a bit young for the Electric Circus thang...

graeme: would you/have you ever done an Englishmne/Scotsman/Irishman joke?

Yawn: any up and coming comedians we should look out for?

Stew: K - look, you started it. I was only mucking around. I'm sorry.

Cait: Is Roger making it from work for Club Z or is he not doing anything?

Kurious: Stew: I don't think they would be impressed with you

Richard1: I have been swimming all this week and go to the gym in month long bursts followed by month long bursts of ice cream and beer

RevMarilynManson: sounds like me

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Kurious: there are two versions of Fall IN a hole

Richard1: we don't do jokes graeme, when will you learn?

Stew: K - I'm sorry. I think this is out of hand now, just lets forget about it ok. You are a good bloke, alright.

Kurious: i am a girl

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tre: stew - kurious is a girl

Rico: Brilliant!

Cait: Oh - Rich - is Trevor Locke good in the play?

Richard1: Kurious is spelt wrong

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Rico: Oooh the assumptions people make!

graeme: not right now, knob

Stew: K - my Fall in a Hole is on Flying Nun, with a 12" and a 33. Sorry for being sexist.

Kurious: s'ok

Kurious: i'm 15 too

Richard1: trevor is surprisingly good in the play, though can get a bit over excited sometimes. He's going to be a big star

Kurious: not really that old

graeme: sorry..

Albatross: richard : if Tony Blair invited you to his humble abode like he did with that Noel Gallagher fool, would u go?

Stew: K - thanks. Sorry. It is good that you are 15 and don't like Ocean Colour Scene

Cait: tell me about it - I'm really looking forward to seeing it - and *you* obviously (simper)

Kurious: yes...i am proud of what Midget have been reported to do..

Richard1: I think I'd go meet Tony Blair. Could be interesting. i think he's OK on the whole

ACTION: tre has met noel G. He was a twat

tre: He is a twat

Richard1: Tell you about what cait?

ACTION: RevMarilynManson has met liam and he was sorted

Rico: The Electric Circus LP had Steel Pulse, Buzzcocks, 999 ... ooh loads of great performances. Of course, there were no trapeze artists or anything, which was a trifle disappointing for those of us who appreciate a good high wire act...

DavidP: Blair, a bit right wing, better than the alternative though

Albatross: richard : would he appreciate your alternative humour or are you dead philosophical on the shy?

graeme: is poetry the new stand-up comedy?

Alexa1: Richard: I think cait wants to know about your penis

Kurious: actually...I have met you both at the Cambridge Corn Exchange last year..

Cait: Rich - that Trevor has pthat 'presence' thing & is very good

Richard1: I like electric circus. It is the best thing on going live, except that computer bloke who is a twat

Stew: I got beaten up at School for liking Steel Pulse. I now realise this was correct

Cait: Alexa - I really don't want to know about richard's male regions

Rico: And they don't remember, Kurios. Is that sad?

Alexa1: Surely every region of Richard is male, except perhaps the beard

Cait: but thanks for planting that appalling thought in my head

graeme: who is your favourite screen villain, stew?

Richard1: My penis is doing very well in the show. it ahs been offered it's own TV series and a spot on Channel 5's Night Fever. my penis can sing

Rico: Some must be unisex, surely?

malaclyps: it's a ladies beard

Stew: We want to have a character in our next series called The Curious Orange, which will be an ornage that is curious about a different thing each week. You heard it here first.

ACTION: RevMarilynManson thinks channel 5 is full of pricks anyway

graeme: that sounds mildly amusing

Stew: My favouroite screen villain is Skeletor

Rico: Ornage - what a lovely, hitherto undiscovered word!

Richard1: I am actually an hermaphrodite, so thanks a lot for your sensitivity

DavidP: Any chance of Histor making it onto the TV series?

Rico: Just roll it round your mouth and cherish it

Stew: Yes Ornage. That is what I meant to say actually Rico.

Richard1: Yes, Histor mya be there, and Pliny

Albatross: stew : why not 'The Ponderous Pineapple' ?

Rico: I Am Kurios Ornage

Rico: I like it

Stew: Yes - Histor will be on telly next year

Richard1: I jsut saifd that Stew you twit

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SlowMo: I am dubious Leyyow

Kurious: and i actually gave you a joke for Histors eye sketch- the one about "Ei" being german for "egg"

graeme: why skeletor, stew, is it the hood that appeals?

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Cait: oh, that'll be funny - but any parts for profesor esque ex-milkmen, that's the question

Rico: I saw the word Ornage on Call My Bluff once..

Richard1: Thanks for that ei thing it was quite good

Stew: Why don't you all see how many mis-spellings of late 60's Sweedish art-porn film titles you can come up with?

Rico: It means 'Rough-sewn pouch for male body regions on man' or something

Stew: I like Skeletor because underneath his skellington face he had a deep humanity

Synik: co we're all too young and nice...

Kurious: like "i am kurious oranj"?

Albatross: stew : How green is your valley then?

Richard1: Mackay will be welcome in any project i am involved with. As long as I ge5t a goldf top and some double cream

Stew: K - you are really funny and you can type fast and with accuracy

graeme: There weren't any moreSweedish art-porn films made in late 60's . was that a trick question?

Rico: Phwooar, lbatross, that's fighting talk!

Rico: The other man's valley is always greener...

Kurious: rich: have you answered me about the Christopher South signed photos yet?

Dan: #####################MAKE SOME SENSE PEOPLE! ###########

Albatross: richard : Would you accept the part of 'Lovejoy' if it ever came up?

Rico: That's us told, then

Richard1: what about Chris South I missed that one

Stew: Rico - are you Rico Rodriguez, the jamaican trombone player? What are you up to these days?

Rico: LOL

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Kurious: do you still collect the signed photos and newspaper columns?

graeme: in real life, stew, would you say you are more skeletor or he-man? morally speaking.

Kurious: the signed photos have now changed

Richard1: I would accept a part in Lovejopy as ian macshane is the one TV celeb shorter than me. Janeete Krankie is equal with me

tre: did they answer the question about future radio shows?

Stew: I am Skeletor, and I'm not kind

Rico: Rico's dead I think, but what a great hornsman!

Cait: horseman?

Stew: Rico certainly could blow a good horn

Dan: LOL

Richard1: No radio shows planned. We'd like to do one, but radio 1 don't want comedy- the twats

Alexa1: I'm sure there was unspoken love between Skeletor and Beastman

Rico: Try me!

Alexa1: He-Man just being the evil homophobe

DavidP: I heard Chris Morris was getting another Radio 1 show

Albatross: richard : I thought Radio 1 WAS a comedy?

Stew: Skeletor was an hermaphrodite

Synik: from what we hear, R1 don't want listeners, good music or talented staff, either.

Cait: anyone can gete that Skeletor effect by wearing a cycle mask

Kurious: not John Peel's show

Richard1: Chris Morris can do what he likes.

Alexa1: Rich: Another thing you have in common

Rico: Male and female regions - fantastic

Albatross: stew : Could you be the next Howard Stern?

Richard1: Next

Dan: John Peel is God and Steve Lamaq

Rico: Chris Morris is a c********

Rico: (Character)

SlowMo: Rico's a bit of a late developer

Richard1: CXhris morris is a god

graeme: and who is your favourite screen villain, richard?

Stew: I couldn't be the next Howard Stern no...

Kurious: Rich: do you still want the Chris South stuff?

DavidP: surely that's too many *s

Kurious: ANSWER ME!

Alexa1: albatross: I don't think anyone could be the next howard stern

Stew: K - lost track of yr question sorry

Richard1: I like Grotbagfs best

Rico: Are you saying I can't spell ornage David?

Dan: who would want to be the next Howard Stern?!!?

Kurious: don't worry Stew, it was directed at Rich

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Richard1: Yes. Any Chris South stuff is welcomed

Kurious: i forgot your birthdays this year

Albatross: richard/stew : what are your fave films of all time?

Stew: Chris Morris is a really nice bloke actually.

Rico: I like you Stew. You like a lot of people.

SlowMo: My birthday's every year

graeme: that's a boring choice, richard, what about the cybermen

Stew: Mt fave 3 films are Thundercrack, Simple Men, Once Upon A Time In The West

Dan: who's Chris Morris?

Alexa1: Stew: Thundercrack?

Rico: Johnny Morris's adopted chimp

graeme: thundercrack? cool

Alexa1: Stew: Another arthouse porn film?

Richard1: I like Spinal tap, Groundhog day, Some Like it Hot, Thge great Escape, Tarantino, Eastwood, Die hard, Cinem paradiso and loads of other stuff

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Dan: age sex check?

Rico: Great film Thundercrack

Dan: 19m

graeme: oh yes, alexa, but more porn than art

Cait: Dan - this is not the time, mate

Albatross: 5/seabird

SlowMo: Terry Nutkins wouldn't take that too kindly, Rico

Dan: sorry

Kurious: stew and Rich: do you rellay live together. I saw that laughable feature the TV times ran on you

graeme: mucj more porn than art

tre: cait - change the topic

Cait: er - away from porn films, perhaps?

tre: stew/richard - is this your first online interview type thing?

graeme: is Die Hard the greatest script of our time?

Richard1: No we don't live together though we are sharing a falt in Edinburgh. David baddiel was meatn to be in it too, but i kept saying You know david baddiel that's you that is and he left

Rico: Do you live together... you know, like Morecambe and Wise did?

Albatross: stew - is there a place in today's society for Sesame Street?

Richard1: Yes it is our first online thing

Synik: lol

Stew: T'crack was made by acid-mad San Francisco gays in the early 70's and is one of the funniest filsm of all time. There are only 4 cipies left on celluloid but a company in Netherlands is now distributing it on video. I've thought about ordering oit but don;t want to get introuble with customs as there are a couple of exrtreme hard core gay scenes in it. Sorry - I don't have the adddress here. Try film fanzines.

Richard1: Rico keep up

spud: Rich and Stw

Cait: so what's the buzz on other shows oop north then?

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Yawn: ooop narth you mean

mel: hi im mel

Rico: Timing.

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Rico: (Secret of comedy.)

Cait: hello Mel

Dan: mels bells

Richard1: Ben Moor is great, so is Al Murray. All the comics we grew up with have a new maturity and skill. It's like they're proper comedians etc rather than just dsome blokes we know

Alexa1: Hi Mel

mel: hi cait how are you

Cait: Rico that's the most stupid thing you could say in this arena

man: hi

mel: what ya talking about?

Richard1: Hello Mel, I'm Richard1

Yawn: I think rico's timing was brilliant

Cait: fine Mel - join in the chat and ask Rich nad Stew some questions

Dan: who would like to see the down fall of hollywood?

graeme: Can there be jokes without anticipation?

mel: ok i will

Richard1: go on then

Kurious: do you still get loads of mail, or has it died down a bit since FOF ended?

Rico: Thanks Yawn

tre: is it true that all comedians turned to comedy cos they didn't want to get bullied at school - i think i read it somewhere. Or i might have made it up

Albatross: richard : should capital punishment be brought back?

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Stew: The bullying theory is cliched nonsense

spud: most definitely..

spud: for bad comedians

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Richard1: Still get quite a lot of mail, but certainly less. Stil;l good considering we haven't been on TV for 18 months

Rico: Most comedians were psychological bullies at school!

spud: lol

graeme: thers a reason for that, richard

Dan: is most cutting edge comedy bad?

ACTION: Alexa1 thinks all Capitals are guilty

ACTION: Synik wishes he could type fast enough to keep up with the conversation.

Stew: The Cutting Edge is bad.

Albatross: stew - do you rate Reeves & Mortimer?

Richard1: What is the reason, graeme, you tremondously witty man

tre: does the address at the end of the FOF cash in book still exist?

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Cait: dan - cutting edge comedy can be the best there is - I would surmise from my limited knowledge

Stew: Love Reeves and Mortimer, though they can be odd and rude in person.

Kurious: like the pin-ups

Richard1: Yes but the postcode is slighlty differnet. I think it ends 7BU now - the address that is

tre: albatross - women shouldn't be hung like men

Rico: Rich: do you ever get letters all in capitals and written in green ink?

Dan: Reeves' new show I don't like!!! Prehaps its too cutting edge

graeme: stew, if you could live in any period of history, which one would it be? (serious question)

Kurious: new show?

Richard1: I like R ands M and they have ben quite nice in person recently

Kurious: what reeves new show?

Albatross: stew : they seem to have got a bit of an ego problem since their channel 4 days

Stew: I would live in The Wild West, and be like Johnny Depp in Dead Man

Alexa1: graeme: Time travel is serious?

Richard1: Rico we do, do you send them?

Rico: Alexa writes them...

Rico: Timing.

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Alexa1: Dead Man, great film

Cait: well - let's not get in to any liable type scenarios here about any other comics

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Dan: am i talking to myself???

graeme: rich, i think the reason is you have been writing new material

Richard1: Yes you are Dan.

Dan: thought so!!!

Kurious: so when does this all end?

Albatross: richard : was Mike Yarwood really ever as funny as people made out?

Rico: I've written books. It was the first thing my agent warned me about. (What a useless agent!)

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DavidP: Can I plug my FOF website here?

Stew: Ithought Dead Man was gonna be ace - 'cos I love Neil Young, William Blake, Westerns, J Depp & J Jarmusch, but I found it slightly disappointing. I think the definitive William Blake influcened western is still waiting to be made

Richard1: You are wrong graiem. i have been writing a sit-com 2 plays and a film though. We are profilifc, it is officila. It was in the times and Uncle Bulgaria reads that

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tre: rich - which is better, eastenders or Corrie?

Yawn: or brookie?

Richard1: Yes David p You can do what you like patrick

Dan: who cares?

charley-farley: eastenders

Kurious: I heard Stew doing Will Blake on R1 last year...

Alexa1: Stew: True, though I was just disappointed because the indian canoe at the end didn't turn out to be a spaceship

Richard1: I care dan. i want you to be happy

SlowMo: How old were you both when you did your first stand-up shows? (deadly serious question)

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Dan: soaps are to suppress the masses

Stew: I was 20 when I started doing standup on my own

Albatross: stew : have you ever been arrested?

Richard1: I was 23ish when i first did stand up, but did loads of other kinds of comedy before

DavidP: Okay, it's at http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/3535/ and it's quite good in my opinion.

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graeme: If you couldn't be Johnny Depp in Dead Man, Stew, which other of his screen characters would you like to be in real life (either present day or past)

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Alexa1: Richard: Where did you start doing standup?

Richard1: i also think the website is quite good, noit as good as Rob Sedgebeers thouggh (which we write)

Stew: I haven't been arrested, but I was detained by the police for an hour after two bored policeman decedied to stop my car in south london and then take the piss out of me for being a comedian

Cait: The best Stand up I've seen Rich do was his 'Father Christmas' in Club Z

Richard1: In Lodon Alexa. But I didn't like ti, so i did other stuff instead

Richard1: Frightening Father christmas

Kurious: was there meant to be a pilot episode of cluub Z on C$?

Kurious: c4

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Stew: I would like to be the slightly retarded J Depp in Benny & June

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graeme: stew, the best piece of contemporary culture influenced by William Blake is surely Red Dragon by Thomas Harris...

DavidP: I asked C4 about the show and they said 'it was still in developement

SlowMo: Isn't c4 a kind of explosive?

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...noodle joined VEntertainmentV

Richard1: no

noodle: hiya

Synik: yes

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Richard1: Hello noodle. Got any pot

noodle: *L

noodle: grow up

Kurious: what about "History" by the verve: that is a kind of improv. Blake

Stew: CZ is "in development". This is code for channel 4 waiting to see if everyone else likes it before they pay for more to be amde because they;re too scared and weak to trust their own opinions

Richard1: What does that mean noodle

Yawn: =========#~~~~

Yawn: this kind?

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SlowMo: ok. Thanks. Now I can touch that button on my telly without hiding behind the sofa.

Cait: hello Noodke - K - I saw the pilot - it was very good, but I think some changes have been made I assume

tre: your in trouble noe richard

Rico: Are Channel 4 wary about adventurous comedy since the Chris Morris debacle?

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Alexa1: Stew: Hope that Cluub Z goes through

Albatross: bye all, good luck for the future Messrs Lee and Herring

Stew: Ric0 - I think so yes.

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Richard1: Yes I am always in toruble It is my stock in trade

Cait: Alexa - have you seen it in Edinburgh?

Rico: Good luck - you were really great guests.

Richard1: Bye albatross. Albatross for Christsake

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DavidP: Cluub Z is damn funny and a bit frightning when you only sitting three feet away from Simon Munnery

Ale