CA Stephens asked about Histor.
I'm afraid we don't have any plans to incorporate Histor, the Historical Pirate crow from our R1FM show onto the telly, but we'll do him again on the radio and maybe in a second series? We thought we might do it with glove puppets.

Matt/Cannibalise Legalbis, thanks for saying I look like Mark Lamarr. I have one of those all-things-to-everyone faces, and over the years have also been confused with Todd Carty, the other Mark Fowler, Roland Gift of FYC, Terry Christian and a medieval engraving of a human faced lamb. - Stew.

Robert Woodman and Alpine Staff at Kew, our Welsh Pete is not the same as your Welsh Pete. Incidentally, I worked about 3 days a week at Kew in the library from November 1989 to Oct 1990 doing research for MacMillan's RHS Encylopedia of Gardening. I had a brilliant time, suffered from a terrible crush on a blonde science looking woman that worked there who I never even spoke to, and met a gardener called Matthew who now presents a programme on Channel 4. I loved hanging out in the gardens but I'm afraid I can't honestly say the Alpine House was my favourite. I liked the big water lillies in the Princess of Wales house. Thanks for writing in. Save all the plants and don't let them economise you out of existence. - Stew.

Dafydd Thomas wrote in with a sexual allure table of new comedy.
1) Chris Morris
2) Stewart Lee
3) Patrick Marber
4) No one
5) No one
6) No one
7) Richard Herring
8) Steve Coogan
9) No one
10) No one
He notes that we are obsessed with Gay Culture, Religion and Wales. Well, Pete's Welsh, I'm interested in Religion so that just leaves Rich. - Stew.

MP Greenwell and JA Peters both mailed in to say they were at an awful gig we did at Bangor Uni last Autumn, when we were heckled off by drunk sports fans. Carzy night. The Security Staff hassled me at half time saying I was inciting trouble. Thanks for writing. - Stew.

Paul Laws and Andrew MacCormack both said they were Christians but still loved the show. Thanks lads! Oh yeah, and Andrew has a message for you all - "I am not ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes." Cheers!

Rich Wale warned of the unhealthyness of weak lemon drink and signed off "This e-mail might appear like it was written by a 21 year old Computer Science Student. Because it WAS!"

Abigail - Thank you for your kind words. I am not going to "dump on you" in anyway, as, even if I wanted to, which I don't, I do not know where you are. The me on television is a false television me and must not be trusted. Thanks for writing - Stew.

Melissa Davey asks if "David Mitchell who left a message is the one who was in the excellent 'Innocent Millions Dead and Dying'?" We don't know what this is about. Can anyone help? K Lewis, your Julia Sawalha shrine request will soon be answered.

Neil Stewart spotted the Star Trek quiz. He's right. The 2 Bussard Ramscoop episodes of STTNG are "Night Terrors" and "Samaritan Snare". We'll post you something soon. David John Patrick asks about Manga reference in show 3 - Stew watches some Manga and Rich has seen "Akira" and "Urotsukidoji - Legend of the Overfiend I". Overfiend is a truly repulsive and shit film, which uses rapes in the way most films use car chases, as simple action sequences to cause a bit of excitement. Japanese sexual morality is an unfathomably alien thing. Akira is the only good Manga, yet it's also one of the ten best films of all time as far as I'm concerned. The live action "Tetsuo The Iron Man" is brilliant, but Tetsuo II isn't as good. I like all the crazy shouting in all Japanese films. Japan is so wierd. It's like another planet isn't it. - Stew.

Ed Ricketts - someone will call you.

Conor McMenamin asks "Who is Patrick Marber?"
Marber was first seen by Stew and Rich wandering around in Edinburgh in 1986, when he was in a double act with a man called Guy Browning called Dross Bros, directed by a bloke called Peter Kessler who now produces the excellent Mrs Merton Show. Stew and Rich were in Edinburgh at the festiival in 1987 as students, but Dros Bros were there as grown ups.
Stew saw them having a meeting in a cafe with Peter Kessler who was wearing green dungarees. Years later, in 1990, PK rang up Stew to ask him to do soemthing on the rubbish "Up Yer News" for BSB, and Stew freaked him out by knowing he had some green dungarees. Guy Browning left Dross Bros to be a journalist or something and was replaced by Dave Schneider (The Day Today, Up To Something, Adverts, Jewish Comedy Scene etc.). Marber also developed a stand-up act that involved taking children's toys out of a bag and talking about them in a high voice.
He did this on "Saturday Night Live" in about 1988/9, and compered "Hey Rrradio" for Radio 1 at about the same time, although David Baddiel and Rob Newman wrote most of his material for this. Then, he left Britain to try and write a novel in Paris, but achieved nothing at all during his year's sabbatical. When Marber came home comedy had moved on a bit. He blagged into doing voices for "Weekending" and the first series of "On The Hour" on the radio in about 1990/91, which went on to become "The Day Today" on TV.
At the same time he tried to get in on a children's show that Stew and Rich were writing to do voices. In 1991/2 he got some writing credits for the second series of "On The Hour" and was later to claim authorship of a character that Rich & Stew had made up. In Edinburgh in 1992 he did a show with Simon Munnery (Alan Parker Urban Warrior), and made Simon pay him to support him even though he was much better off than Simon. He stopped doing stuff with Simon after things took off with Steve.
He also did the Dum Show with Stew, Rich, Simon and Steve Coogan in which we all fought and got on badly. He was sacked from directing a fringe play called "Revolver" but also directed Steve Coogan's one man show which won a Perrier award. At about this time the National Theatre made some overtures to him to come up with a play idea, even though his writing hsitory at this time was limited to about 10 minutes of "On The Hour". From then on he has become unstoppable. Today Marber is known and loved throughout the entertainment industry as the star of "The Day Today" and "Knowing Me Knowing You", and, having written "Dealer's Choice", as the finest West End playwright of his generation. At last, he is enjoying the success due to him, and the smile of deleight rarely leaves his laughing face.

Adrian Cook, we've given Tom your number. Manchile congratulated us on the world's shortest catchphrase - "Ah!" "Ah!" to you too Manchile!

Andy Lowe asked us to put Patrick Marber's face on the punchbag. By the time you read this it will be there. He also asked us to dish the dirt on Chris Morris. There ain't none. He is, as you say, a "scorchingly talented genre-busting etfuckingcetera untouchable genius."

BIO-WIRE says the FOF theme tune should be sung in schools instead of hymns.

Rich Johnston found the real Simon Quinlank, Mark Stephan, on the net at mstephan@expert.cc.purdue.edu, discussing Doctor Who under the title "An Argumentative Paper Over Why the Seventh Doctor Is The Best Doctor To Write About in Science Fiction Novels About Doctor Who". You can find this hobby crazed missive also at http://expert.cc.purdue.edu/~drwho/welcome.html

Alexis Manning mailed in to say we were dire, unwatchable and tedious.

Adrian D Bailey said, re complaints, "Bugger blasphemy! - What are they going to do, issue a Fatwa against you?" Ironically we did receive a scary, convincing, annonymous motiveless bombthreat that said if the third week's show went out people working on the show would be blown up. But, look, we're still hereeee ..... aieeeeeeeee .... my faaaaaayce ..... BAAANG!!!! Heeeelllllllppp meeeeeeeeeeeee!

Thanks to all of you who E-mailed in asking to win the signed urban men actors' pants. Lots of people have written in with pens too, so we will consider the best and act accordingly. There are 4 pairs to be given away.

Helen Ribchester said that Fist of Fun was better on the radio and asked, re the University of Life sketch, "Do we really need to see people being violently punched, stabbed etc? I think the best laughs come from what you don't see." Helen, we're genuinely sorry if we upset you as you sound really nice. Personally, we loved the off license shooting and thought it was great and really funny, but I think you're right - there are times when it's best to leave things to the imagination, as we found with our tv version of the sick supermodels sketch which hopefully won't go out.

Paul D Price wrote in to say how much he enjoyed Peter at Brunel University, but failed to say that he liked Stew who was on on the same night. Peter will be punished accordingly for his popularity. You're right though, Paul, the audience completely missed the point of all Peter Baynham's character stuff that night, and just assumed he was a real sad loser who for some reason had been mistakenly booked into a comedy act night.

Chaucer said Peter is good and should have more to do in the show, and that the Jesus parable was rubbish. He is exactly wrong about both these points. mktscan asked who the two guys in the newsagents in the title sequence flash frames are. They are Raj and Billy, Pete and Rich's newsagents, who run Maston news on Bedford Hill in Balham. Pete hopes to get Raj on in show 6. He did some stuff for us on the radio. The "heads on sticks" you refer to are probably from the British Museum.

Robert Blake wrote in to say that there wouldn't have been a Tracey brother called Ian Tracey as "everyone knows that Jeff Tracey named all his sons after astronauts. How many astronauts do you know called Ian?" The answer is:
1) That this was a joke, written by us and thus did not have to conform to Gerry Anderson's astronaut law.
2) Perhaps Jeff Tracey was so embarrassed by his freak son that he did not wish to sully an astronaut's name by giving it to such an ugly son.
3) What about the astronaut Ian Harris who was aboard Appollo 17. Aaaah!
4) Thunderbirds is not real. Try and make the most of the precious gift of life that has by infintissimal chance been bestowed upon you, by doing something conStewctive with poor people or sick animals.
5) Good point.

Tim Caynes said we humiliated his friend Neil with the true caption about deep sea diving. He's right. We did. That will teach him not to lie to Rich.

Paul W Wormald, a lecturer in Design and Technology at Loughborough University, recommends you freeze frame all the graphics, as he enjoyed the "batman on a stick".

Bruce Turner - "that little Scottish bloke" - are you that bloke who used to write for Punch and have a tweed jacket? Thanks for your message of support.

cof3019 says Pete has more talent in his little finger than the two of us put together. Thanks. We will now be cutting his little finger off as punishment.

Jason Emmett asked what colleges we went to in Oxford. Rich went to Saint Catherines, which is like a large comprehensive school on the outskirts of the town with a good entrance policy for people from state schools hence his attendance, and Stew went to St Edmund Hall, which was really old and is where Terry Jones from Monty Python went and he got taught by the Australian Olde English academic Bruce Mitchell, legendarilly the inspiration for the Monty Python "Bruces" sketch, about Australian academics.

James Hunter said he visited BW Barbour Macoll evangelical bookshop in Edinburgh last year after Stew's recommendation. It is on George IV Bridge street and is well worth a vsit for frightening evango-comix which are only 10p each.

m-steer slagged us off for using old radio material and then asked why we haven't used the old comedy bed idea. It's because The Possee did it too on Channel 4.

100437.127 said he/she did not understand Fist of Fun and it was disjointed and completely unintelligible. We do not understand his/her name. It seems to be just a collection of numbers. Are you from the future?

AR327 asked if it was Harmon Leon inbetween the sketches. Yes. The dreadlocked San Franciscan foole is a friend of Stew and Rich and sleeps on their floors on his euro-jaunts.

David Holland asked if we'll do a second series. We've had good press and OK audiences and the show's been well received, but whether or not we'll get a second series depends on how swiftly the BBC runs out of money, seriously. He also asks how long it takes to write one show. Well, the oldest piece of material in the series is 8 years old, so I guess the whole thing has been gestating about 8 years. Lots of the material in each show has been knocking around our files for ages, so it's really hard to say exactly. When we were a bit younger we used to write hour long radio shows from scratch in about a week by drinking loads of diet coke and staying up all night, but we're too old for that now.

Hello, TPPP Colman, do come and see us again.

Stephen J Kent-Taylor had four things on his mind, here are our replies:
1) Thank you Stephen for warning Peter Baynham about the dangers of staying in character all night. Also Stephen is the only one of you lot so far to spot the clever secret Star Trek TNG joke in show 2.
2) The reason Pete was only in one sketch in "The Day Today" is because his job on that show was to write material for all the others making them look good and then to be edited out of any publicity photos supplied to the press, and then to have his material used by Patrick Marber in his Observer column and not be paid for it.
3) See above.
4) Re: music on the radio. For years the only music Rich had in his possession was tapes of The Sex Pistols and Simon and Garfunkel. Honest. He loves Paul Simon and sings the line "I met my old lover on the street today" from the song "Still Crazy After All These Years" about 4 times a day. About 3 years ago I gave him a tape of Ice T, which he likes because of the brilliant words, aggressive satire of the capitalist world and swearing. Rich bought a cd player with some of the money from the telly and has been out buying records and has now got about 10 cds, including Sheryl Crow, The Jam, Terry Hall's brilliant solo album, the soundtracks of "The Piano" and "Pulp Fiction", a Creation Compilation which was supposed to be a prize on our last tour, and a King Missile album, which he has copied off me. I like 60's American US psychedelia, all those early 80's California bands, folk stuff, American indie things, melodic hardcore and difficult bendy avant gardey music. I have thousands of records, all in perfect alphabetical order, and Rich says I deliberately like things that no-one else likes to try and appear interesting. To which I always say "Aaaah, yes, but I like REM" and he says "No, not aaaah" etc. etc. "Something To Eat" was by Donner Party, from San Francisco, who included Melanie Clarin from the Catheads and a bloke I think is now in X-Tal. They were great and made three albums, all called "Donner Party", but I've only ever found 2 of them. I've got the green one and the one with the medieval animals on it. If anyone knows where the other one can be found, tell me. I don't want a tape of it, as I actually want to possess it as an object. "Jesus Was Way Cool" was by King Missile, who are ace!! Alan Davis' stealing stuff from work routine must owe a debt to their song on the same subject as he is a big fan. Peter Baynham likes Bob Dylan (obsessively), The Manics, Lightning Seeds and American Music Club. His false Peter Character likes Coast To Coast who did "Do The Hucklebuck" - Stew.
5) Thanks for what you said about us, and I think being "accessible" is a good thing too! Cheers!

Paul O'Brien recommends you look at http://www.primus.com/staff/paulp/useless.html if you want to see dull things.

DE Hopkins asked if Lionel Nimrod, our BBC Radio 4 Show, will come out on tape. Well, hopefully it will soon, as I expect some people might actually buy it now. If you really want some tapes of it try writing to that fanzine, "Christs Fat Cock", they might help you. Good idea about the lottery, maybe series 2, if there is one.

Geoffrey Donald Hogg - write to Low Life, they'll tell you.

Johnny Boy asked for "more blasphemy, swearing and general offensiveness". Well, Johnny, we'll do our best, but it's hard to please everybody.

David Holland. Stop sending us that Smurf porn. Smurf porn is a cliche of the internet.

James P Mcbride writes "Patrick Marber deserves all he gets, he seems too smug by half on Knowing Me Knowing You, which was nowhere near as funny on TV as it was on the radio."

Salim Fadhley says "Fist of Fun is the best comedy programme on the TV at the moment, despite the fact that we have heard all of the material before on Radio 4, Radio 1 and on stage." .. and then says please can we see the All Things Bright And Beautiful thing on TV. Make your mind up. I don't think ATBAB would work on Fist of Fun as it takes about half an hour, would make bad TV, and is essentially funny because it is so boring, but might just actually turn out really boring. I'd like to do it in a big theatre one day, so maybe it could turn up on a live video if we/I ever do one. - Stew.

Joseph M Farrugia said he was "sorry" but did not find FOF funny at all. We are sorry too. Try and watch another programme which you do think is funny.

Mark Redman asks:
1) "To what extent do you think your very existence as BBC light entertainers merely serves to perpetuate some kind of Oxbridge-comedy hegemony?" Firstly, Pete didn't go to Uni at all and was actually in the Merchant Navy etc etc. But, seriously... I don't think TV comedy was "Oxbridgey" in the 1980's. Fry & Laurie etc were the last gasp of the Seventies and then people, quite rightly, looked to the stand-up circuit for new talent. But, I think the increasing commercialisation of the stand-up circuit means that it's harder to be original on it - promoters can't afford to put on a 'risky' act, and thus all the best, most original new TV comedy shows have come from people who weren't especially active on, or approved by, the circuit, namely, Reeves & Mortimer, The Day Today, Knowing Me Knowing You, Fast Show, Mrs Merton Show etc. Mrs Merton (Caroline Hook), Coogan, John Thompson etc were allowed to develop in splendid isolation in Manchester, doing character acts that might not have been able to blossom in London. Chris Morris came out of local radio and was, I think, blissfully unaware of the "comedy laws" of London. Reeves & Mortimer, Tommy Cockles etc seem to have been able to make their own little South London enclave where they got on in peace, and us and all the Oxbridge wankers were plugging away trying to freelance stuff into radio . Personally, if I'd only had stand-up I'd have been more determined to be commercial, and thus probably not as good, but Me and Rich were always trying Weekending etc as well. None of this is to say that circuit acts aren't any good, or that its a total dead loss. Harry Hill has managed to be both really good and really popular on the circuit, and obvioulsy there's loads of brilliant stand-ups who never get the credit they deserve. This is a really personal mad biased view and I hope it doesn't piss anyone off. - Stew.
If going to Oxford or Cambridge is such a great help how come I've been living in disgusting rented accommodation for 6 years and living off as low as GBP 5000 a year. We have got to this point through hard work in a number of media and not because of any false mafia system. On the other hand it didn't do us any harm knowing Armando Iannucci before he became famous, although ultimately it didn't do us all that much good either as anyone who knows the story behind "On the Hour" will tell you. The reason lots of people form Oxbridge do well is because you (generally) have to work very hard to get into Oxbridge and working hard is the best way to succeed in this life. That is what I think. I only went to a comprehensive in Somerset after all. Plus I hated all the posh twats at University and I don't see why I should be punished by being associated with them. Does that answer your question? Good. Love Rich.
2) We're using the old green desk material from On The Hour on the radio because all our stuff was edited out of the best of the series radio release due to arguing about who was the best and we want more than 10 people to see it.
3) Mark writes "Make me a copy of "Mystical Shit" by King Missile. Please use dolby c." Buy your own. It's on Shimmy Disc records. Actually I think Shimmy Disc has just gone bust... look if you really can't find one send a tape to the office and I'll do it, but don't anyone else ask for this kind of stuff otherwise you just run out of time to have a life - Stew.

JRM Wills writes "I am a student and live with five other blokes, but we are all just mates." and said his friend thought the show was "quite good". Thanks. We find your unnecessary insistence that you are just mates suspicious. Do not be ashamed of your sexuality JRM Wills. All sexual tastes are equally dirty and wrong and should be punishable by a ten pound fine.

mktscan asks "Where do you get all your crazy ideas from?" Well spotted. We are glad your freeze frame works on your video.

Colin Campbell and G White both asked for less of Peter. We'll try.

Chris Perkin - Stew was a Smiths fan as a lad, but Rich hates them. I've always liked the line "The Devil will find work for idle hands to do" that we opened show 1 with, because the "to do" part of it seems so unecessary, like what else were the idle hands going to do with the work other than... er... do it. - Stew.

To everyone else, thanks for your positive/negative/indiscriminate comments. Please keep them coming in. We do read them all, but are only troubled by those which display an obvious innate intelligence.

Neil said it was a mistake using "famous comedy bloke" John Thomson, as he was enjoying having no established comedians on the show, and it leaned towards "a great comedic camaraderie". We don't think it was a bad move. John Thomson has been doing stuff for us on the radio for about 3 years, and is the best at doing the parts, especially of grumpy blokes from Manchester. It's nice that we used loads of new people, but by your logic what are we supposed to do if we get a 2nd series? Use people that look like us instead of ourselves. Also, you'd be hard pushed to find any people less a part of "a great comedic camaraderie". We're almost never asked to be on anything else by anyone else, and Ben Elton himself wrote to London's "Time Out" magazine last week saying he had no idea who we were. Thanks for the other nice comments though Neil. Hope you enjoy the rest of the series.

Ben Lester asked if life at Oxford University is like the University of Life sketch. No, it isn't, obviously. That's the point.

Dave Emmett, we are sorry to hear you died after putting Tippex in your mouth.

YOZ - Fist of Fun's theme music is indeed the B-side of Globo's 'Beautiful Feeling', but they have re-mixed it for us, and done all the incidental music and stings. They have a new album out called "Pro-War" which is good. Their live shows represent the kind of info-overload we wanted, plus they are nice blokes. Stew says: "I really like guitary moany music, to be honest, no technical stuff, but we didn't want to have some cool indie band do the sound-track so we'd look like hopelessly out of date twats in about 2 months time. Globo's stuff sounds kind of efficient and grown up and outside fashion. In reply to your question, YOZ, the last ace bargain record I got was The Windbreakers' first album, including a version of Televison's 'Glory' on which they are backed by the Rain Parade, for GBP 1 in a charity shop in Clapham Junction."

bsc4036 asked if we are going to done phone call things like we did on the radio. We can't really. They wouldn't make good TV and the format of the show is not really loose enough to accommodate that sort of thing. We'll do stuff like that on the radio again though.

William Mackintosh was an extra in the University of Life and asked how to get more extra work. Er... apply to an extra agency? Don't know really.

Michael Buckely said the show is crap.

Neil Stewart asked if Pete got any audience in Edinburgh last year, as when he saw him there were only about 12 people. Well, he didn't get many, although his show was ace. Stew and Pete both lost about GBP 4000 each at Edinburgh last year, though Rich covered his costs due to a clever ticket auction gimmick for his show. If we get paid more for the 2nd series, if we get one, we want to stage some really extravagant things in E next year, 96. Like our own anti-Perrier award for more money than the real Perrier, which we give to the shows that are really the best, namely us and our friends, instead of the ones that the comedy establishment wants to suck up to.

A man at school with RaMpage used to paint his tongue with tippex, let the mixture dissolve, and spit it at people. He is now in the Police Force.

Ryan Andrews asked what happened to the "hilarious" (sic) American comedian Harmon Leon who supported Stew at student gigs last year. He's back in SanFran, writing for National Lampoon, Might, Sky and others and runs a brilliant club which re-defines comedy as we know it. If you really thought he was rubbish then you are wrong. You say you spent all night ripping the piss out of him. That would explain why he turned up at my house all confused an upset the next day. He's in the show, with dreadlocks, shouting things to camera.

David Mitchell asked if the 'aubergines or death' sketch from our Radio 4 show, LNEW, will be in the series. No it won't. We'd forgotten about that one and when you reminded us of it we laughed.

Andrew Simmons wrote to say to Richard "Hope you die and burn in Hell". Rich says: "Thank you Andrew. I think you were joking anyway, but I will definitely die and may burn in Hell, but only because I don't believe in it." Someone anonymous on compuserve wants us to desist from taking the piss out of the West Country and have a go at Suffolk. We do this anyway. The urban man came from Hoxne, near Diss.

Thank you Mark Bennett for all the stuff you sent and the scary sub-genius stuff. Spooky. He edits a magazine called Black Ice in Brighton that you might like to read. It is great.

Dave Hunt, we will ignore the god squad people. Although we were forced to cut Stew slapping Jesus out of the parable in show 2, which explains the slight odd edit. It was funny as well. Never mind. We annoyed 24 Christians who rang in to complain and that's a good start.

Nick, your mum Mrs James, did teach me Chemistry. My dad, Keith also taught me Maths. The Kings of Wessex Upper School rules.

Melissa, glad you like the show. Hopefully they will repeat the series so you can tape the shows next time round and also because we get paid again for doing nothing. TV is neat.

Richard Green, we did meet Ben Moor at University. He was in the Oxford Revues of 1988 and 1989 that Rich and Stew wrote/directed/appeared in. He's ugly isn't he? Rich wrote a couple of sketches for Up To Something. Well Dave Schneider adapted some of Rich's ideas for Zero Talent, the strange magician. You are wrong. The show was rubbish. Shane Ritchie has done well though.

Rich says "I am called Richard Herring" because we enjoy writing unnecessary words in our sentences. Actually he is meant to say a different thing each week, but as we recorded show 1 and 2 together he got confused and messed it up. Watch out for the changes in future shows.

Ben Partridge, enquired about our use of flash frame images. Well we don't care if we're not allowed. We've put them in and no-one's told us off. The attacks on Patrick Marber are entirely justified. He was the only one of the Day Today team who seemed to relish us leaving the show. Also he tried to jump on the backs of a succession of comedians and ride his way to fame before getting his claws into Coogan.
We actually quite like him, but it's funny to bring pointless personal grudges on to the national TV arena. Also he has a grumpy cornish face. You're right about Eric Idle. He was great in Python, but oh dear, what has happened since. Watch us decline in a similar sell out fashion over the next 20 years.

The girl in the titles is called Lucy. She's the daughter of an actress we know, but is just an ordinary kid and much more natural than all the stage school freaks who auditioned for the role.