Lionel Nimrod's Inexplicable World
SERIES ONE, SHOW TWO - BROADCAST 15th October 1992 | "Creation"
"This week, me & my team are looking at.....EVERYTHING! and asking - where does it all come from?"
Since time began, wise people have asked questions & tried to understand the universe.
And the Inexplicable World Team are insistent that they shall succeed where science, religion, superstition, philosophy, hearsay, rumour, gossip, & lies have failed.
Throughout their investigations they will be using highly radioactive materials, large hypodermic needles & an old woman in the front row. So, let's go!
Space - where does it all come from?
Was it a big bang, or more a whimper & a sort of cough? And then a pan lid, falling on the floor & rolling around a bit?
Patrick Moore, the eccentric right wing astrologer pioneered his theory, the Big Band Theory, in 1957.
Tragically, he was only one letter away from the now accepted Big Bang theory - so, thanks to scientists - we now know the sound that creation made.
To see if the scientists were right, Rich is now going to try & create his own universe, above the heads of the audience by exploding a Spar "laugh time" party popper over them.
Unfortunately, this yields no results, leading Rich to conclude that the big bang theory was wrong all along. Although, as Stew points out, perhaps the party popper used for the big bang was a more substantial item from a specialist party shop?
Still, moving away from science, perhaps the myths of the ancient cultures hold the answers?
Let's see what the religions of the past thought...
The superstitious Catholic French thought that the universe was created by clouds of foul smells solidifying into matter
An Eskimo myth explains how a tiny super dense penguin suddenly exploded, creating the universe
The Dutch believe that the Universe is yet to be created, and we're all living in a strange pre-creation hinterland
The Germans believe that the Earth & all it's creations were made especially for them. Or so you'd think...
To investigate further, they have invited 4 guests of opposing beliefs to the studio to discuss them.
The guests are; Angela Gowe-Jones, one of the world's leading cosmologists - who is entirely bald, Clive Nuttall, Fundamentalist Christian, Ian - a bloke Stew met at a party who cornered him in the queue for the toilet and give him a 4 hour lecture on his theories of creation and Michael, Stew's 12 year old nephew, representing the secular Humanist Atheist point of view.
They are all locked into a soundproof debating chamber & left to try & reach a consensus by the end of the show.
Rich talks with DNA expert Dr. Anton Dawkins who explains that the DNA molecule contains genetic messages which pass physical characteristics from generation to generation. It was this DNA information that stopped Rich marrying a girl once, when he spotted one of her relatives had ginger hair.
Moving swiftly on, Stew tells us that Christians believe that the world was created by God within 6 days, not the 15 billion years that is generally recognised by scientists. But, as Rich points out, there may have been something of a misunderstanding - when Christians say "a day" they just mean a length of time.
Still, that must make it pretty difficult arranging to meet them.
But, has science disproved the existence of an all powerful god?
Returning to the ongoing debate, we hear Clive Nuttall defending God's existence, but being challenged by Angela Gowe-Jones & Stew's 12 year old nephew, whilst Ian from the party tries to scrounge a cigarette.
Handing back, Stewart tells us that he has been living his life according to the Book Of Lies, by the occultist Aleister Crowley, whilst Rich tells us how he flies in the face of Greenwich Mean Time by setting his watch exactly 2 hours out. Einstein would have approved of that, given his first theory of relativity, which stated that time moves more slowly when spent with relatives. Rich & Stew attempt to test this theory - as they would also later do in Fist Of Fun, on the telly.
Back to the studio, and let's see if Anton Dawkin's DNA has yielded any answers? He's halfway through the studio audience with his part-unraveled DNA strand. Nothing conclusive yet, but he's pretty sure he's getting there.
Stew finds himself stood within a giant model of Charles Darwin, built especially for the Inexplicable World, and a sketch tells us all about Darwin & his theories, as per the Fist Of Fun book.
But where does humanity itself come from?
One of the universe's most timeless wonders has to be the birth of a little baby - unless you have to watch it, in which case it's one of the most disgusting & offensive things you'll ever experience.
So, before reaching their conclusions, it's time for Peter Fenn's Hammond Organ Believe It Or Not File. This week, Fenn tells us that humanity's "missing link" has only been missing since 1906, when careless museum curator Ken Zetty left it in a plastic bag on a bus.
So, with that, it's time to answer the big question, "Where Does Everything Come From?" Anton Dawkin has found something unexpected in his DNA strand - it's telling him that Ian, from the party, has the correct opinion - so Rich & Stew return to the debating chamber to find out what Ian has been saying...
Everyone seems to be agreeing with him - and his theory? Well, he believes that there's some sort of creator, God, Buddha, call him what you will - but not in the traditional bible sense - what if the world was created by a huge force, like electricity or something? A bit like in Star Wars...
"So, there you have it friend - that's where everything comes from...."