this morning with richard not judy
THIS MORNING WITH RICHARD NOT JUDY SERIES TWO, SHOW FIVE - BROADCAST 18th April 1999 - WATCH ONLINE
SERIES TWO - SHOW 1 | SHOW 2 | SHOW 3 | SHOW 4 | SHOW 5 | SHOW 6 | SHOW 7 | SHOW 8 | SHOW 9 | SHOW 10 | BACK
Hooray. The best show yet by general consent and the audience was very supportive again, which made us better. We enjoyed it a lot. Even Stu was seen to smile!
We got 1.5 million viewers for the show 4 repeat and again got a constant 0.5 million for Sunday - so although this is a bit disappointing for the Sunday, the overall total is great (though it means only 1 in 4 of you know who Nostradamus is!)
No news on complaints just yet.
Here's some behind the scenes info -
1 Liz and Phillip - this went so well that Stu looks a bit confused (and he forgot to fall asleep!) The first of many glassings and the Nanette Newman line refers to an unsubstantiated rumour that we've heard about the Duke of E!
2 Flipper - they call me Flipper, Flipper, King of the Sea. From the popular TV series of the same name.
3 Menu - Back in with some strong ones this week. The Beckham one was particularly fun, although we wanted to say "twat" instead of "fool" but it wasn't allowed - though we have said twat before on this show! It's funny that we're allowed to say "muff" and not "twat" but there you go…
4 Richard Thomas - we were very impressed with the Reddy Brek glow. And the apostrophe's bit went down a storm (and people's mums seemed to like it too). Did you spot all the wrong apostrophe's throughout the show?
5 Unusual Priest: If you sow barley - based on a real lecture (new age rather than Christian) that Stu once went to where a nutty bloke came up with this argument
6 Hunger Strike - some material we wrote last year during the Barry Horne hunger strike, but we shoe horned it in on the back of National World Week For Animals. The Mouse-ometer was a new idea though. Only the first four mice were real and they were removed before too many others came down (and were protected by a Perspex lid). The mad scientist was played by our old pal Andrew Mackay (FOF - Pie Man and Zadoc in the Conkeys, as well as the mad scientist in the Curious Orange sketch in show 1). He works in the Science museum, can play the rare and unusual instrument the Theremin and also marks A level papers (so your future may be in his hands!)
7 Alien Resurrection - this looks like it was very expensive to make, but actually was done by some very skilful work with sets (by Harry Banks and his team). We were incredibly tired during the pizza bit, which came at the end of a long day, but it seems to have worked OK. The guy in the big suit (Nick?) was in high spirits and improvised in a very funny way. Rich had a tube to shoot blood out as the little alien entered, but it didn't quite work and the blood ended up mainly in his pants. After filming this Stu was driven back to the studio by Bianca (the assistant assistant director). A taxi driver was rude about Bianca's driving (wrongly) and Stu who was tired and emotional dashed out of the car to have it out with the bloke. He exchanged a few cross words with him before the bloke called him a "pooftah" and Stu then remembered that he was dressed as Winona Rider. However, the taxi driver had backed down, a bit confused and scared no doubt!
The pizza was really nice, but I forget the name of the restaurant.
8) Baroness Young apology - thankfully we managed to turn this into a pretty good routine! The nice BY had seen a tape of the show and only wanted it pointing out that she thought the opposite of the views attributed to her. Apparently she really enjoyed this script which we sent to her to check, so maybe some good will come out of the mistake! She's sent us a letter of thanks! Which we'll put up at a later date!
9) AIMS - again, a great reaction from the audience. Look at Stu's astonished face after aim 1.
10) Histor - a sketch that united the Histor lovers and haters it seems. The people who usually hate this sketch loved to see Pliny getting what he deserved. Look out for more of that in future weeks. Paul looked a real thug as St George. The glasses were made of sugar. Shiver your timbre has to be one of the most contrived puns we've done, even in this show. David Collins guested as St George's horse, putting paid to the people who say he is not a versatile performer.
11) King or Queen of the show - Trev and Nathalie, looking good as St George and the Dragon and Trev got to speak again - a dangerous trend. Steve, the AFM, had made a brilliant trolley with loads of English things on, then we changed our mind and opted for the pie! Ha ha! Stu's "I'm Scotch" cross references back to the Jimmies.
12) Simon Quinlank - a much better response this week. Some of you remember Neil Petark ad SQ's never seen nemesis. I've done a bit of archaeology in my time and so I hate metal detecting enthusiasts who screw up loads of historical sites. This, if anything, is a parody of that. Kev ad libbed the bowing at the top. SQ did not drink any weak lemon drink in this episode, which may be a first!
13) King or Queen of the show - we got hundreds of entries for this, so thanks to you all, especially the people who got on (who will indeed get nothing!) Queen Nathalie is still at University and is doing her finals right now. Good luck.
14) Vineyard - The Sunday heroes is fast becoming a favourite and this one broke the mould a bit, whilst still getting a Judas line in! Kev was fabulous as the vineyard owner, friend. Paul was the surly man. This ran a bit longer but we cut it down for time. We may give the tape of the longer version to Rob for completist nits to watch! I had read this parable in Norman Mailer's book about Jesus and just thought it was stupid (though the sketch is similar to some FOF ones). The other guys in this sketch all play it perfectly, especially Ivanhoe, who is caught eating grapes instead of working.
15) Mice: Mousehole - we deliberately bucked the trend on brown mice - of course they're all brown mice…. It's actually much funnier than saying what everyone is thinking. All the statistics in the show about animal experiments are true.
16) Lettuce: Alien - Thanks to having written a lot of stuff in advance we've been able to do some running gags like this throughout the film items. Here's the script of this week's lettuces!
5) ALIEN -
BLAH BLAH BLAH ETC. TITLE - "GUESS WHO'S COMING TO DINNER?"
MUM AND DAD SITTING ON SOFA. THEY HEAR A SCARY WEIRD NOISE AND THE ROOM SHAKES. THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER. CANNED LAUGH.
DAD We must see to those mice!
MUM I don't think that was a mouse.
CANNED LAUGH. THE ALIEN BURSTS UP THROUGH THE FLOOR AND EATS THE LETTUCES.SCREAMING. CANNED LAUGH. EMMY LOOKS AROUND THE DOOR!
EMMY Oh no!
CANNED LAUGH. SHE FAINTS. CANNED LAUGH. CTW ALIEN TEARING LETTUCES TO BITS.
Actually here's another one we meant to put in this week but didn't have time to film, which is a shame given how well the apostrophe thing went
TITLE - "LIVE AND LET LETTUCE" INT. MUM AND GIRL LETTUCE SITTING ON SOFA. DOOR OPENS DAD LETTUCE COMES IN, WITH PIECE OF WOOD.
DAD I can't believe it! Have you seen this!
CANNED LAUGHTER.LETTUCES LOOK AT EACH OTHER ON SOFA. HE SHOWS THEM THE THING. IT IS A SIGN SAYING "LETTUCE'S 30p". CANNED LAUGHTER
MUM Oh! Will they never learn.
GIRL I think I can explain.
THE CAMERA PANS OUT. GIRL LETTUCE HAS 30P
MUM Oh no it was right then
CANNED LAUGHTER. CREDITS ETC.
17) Corr Shrine and Robbie William's Tattoo - The return of the tattoo and the start of Rich's descent into mental illness. It really hurt hitting myself and the glass leaves a nasty red mark. The tattoo has mysteriously changed since last week. Can you spot the difference. I made a couple of errors on the script "Fun Living Criminals" - twat!
18) American comic - the american comic's material was actually really done in real life by Will Durst. It was one of the shit things we had to sit through whilst preparing for the Montreal shows. That said, the rest of Durst's stuff isn't bad. David Baddiel kindly agreed to pretend to be someone who liked that kind of stuff and oddly enough he had done a lecture about how poor the exact same piece of material was, but we didn't know that. See what I mean about the Hippie from Histor's eye looking like Baddiel now? Paul Putner played Brett Wurst. The gag about all American comics being dead but Brett Wurst still being alive didn't quite come across. One of the people working on this show has made it his mission to get the blonde girl in the audience of the alt com bits into every show. See if you can spot her!
19) Rats - Stu wrote this bit for Rich to do, and said he would never have allowed it done to him. I, however, enjoyed it. It wasn't freaky at all! Unfortunately much of the rat shenanigans was missed on the live show, but another camera was covering it and it will be in the repeat (so you can see what I meant when I said "It's trying to get into my mouse hole"). The rats did not wee on me, like Pete's "mouse" did in FOF
20) Nostradamus - people seemed to enjoy the will they/won't they love affair that is developing with me and Nost. If only he wasn't obviously a man maybe it could be. The idea of "I will fail to win the barbecue" was suggested by someone on e-mail, but I can't remember who said it, so thanks if you're reading this. It's a very good idea. We never usually take suggestions from people, but that was too good and clever to miss.
21) Things Fall Over - this is my favourite film item from the whole show. The cameraman had shouted cut because it seemed the beans had not fallen out and at that exact moment they fell (which is partly why Emma looks so surprised). Both Kev and Em give a brilliant performance of this. You can see the first sign that Em's character realises her new boyfriend might be a bit of a prat. "Sex is nature's gift to men" is so brilliantly delivered. It's all a bit subtle to be picked up on the studio TVs, but I hope you enjoyed it at home.
And that's Janet Street Porter falling over in the opening bit (which Stu saw on "As the Crow Flies" the week our repeat was taken off)
22) Mouse eating - do not eat mice at home. I am the mouse Kraken (a line that didn't make it into the show - see rehearsal script). The executive committee of the National World Week for animals were played by ordinary (well actually quite freaky- only kidding) members of the audience. Their shirts said "Save the Mice".
23) Curious Alien - ringing the changes a bit. Will the orange return? Who knows, but the advent of the curious alien coincides with Paul Putner having to go off and film for a sit-com he's in. Though obviously there is no connection between Paul and the Orange. Good to see the sympathy he got, but then some of you are delighted at the prospect of him being dumped. That cheeky alien will be back next week for sure, but how long will he last (the alien is played by Emma - except in the aliens sketch where it's my hand up it)
24) Platypus milk - a smart ass has e mailed to say that DBP don't have nipples. I'm not convinced that I said they did. Even so I don't think the character of Richard Herring, would know or care.
25) Quail - Stu used to a joke similar to the blender one in his stand up act. That stastic is true. One quail! It's unbelievable. Had to cut some gags about guinea pigs because of time, although this week's show ran pretty much perfectly (with last week's audience it would have been a little short)
26) End - the mouse-ometer was not actually full, not that it mattered. Loved Andy Mackay jumping on the mice, couldn't help laughing right at the end. The mice were Trev and Nat and American interns Justin and Betsy (who have been working on the show as part of their University courses) They are both leaving this week and they'll be greatly missed. Thanks guys!
27) Orange post sig - Poor old Curious Orange. Will he ever find employment?
Thanks for watching. Do keep telling us what you think. It is very helpful to us. And thanks to this week's audience who surpassed themselves. It was a lot of fun, after a very depressing week of shitty news and upsetting people!