this morning with richard not judy
THIS MORNING WITH RICHARD NOT JUDY SERIES TWO, SHOW SIX - BROADCAST 25th April 1999 - WATCH ONLINE
SERIES TWO - SHOW 1 | SHOW 2 | SHOW 3 | SHOW 4 | SHOW 5 | SHOW 6 | SHOW 7 | SHOW 8 | SHOW 9 | SHOW 10 | BACK
Show 6 seemed to go pretty well. I had been ill all week (with flu) and so Stu picked up the strain on the script and did a pretty damn fine job. The Gail Porter and Puritan stuff seemed especially popular (as did Stu in his hat!). Haven't had news on figures or complaints just yet, but we did just have an e mail from someone purporting to be Iain Lee slagging us off, but somehow I don't think it was him. Come on "Iain", it was just a joke, like your hilarious cracks about Rod Hull!
1) Julia Roberts and Liz Hurley - Don't know it the forests of underarm hair quite came across. When we were fighting with cats I hit Stu in the head with one of the cat's marble eyes and he said he nearly passed out and wasn't sure if he'd be able to carry on with the show. It was an accident! (obviously)
2) My name is what - A bow to Slim Shady, which some of our older viewers may have been confused by!
3) Menu - We were writing these right down to the last minute (thanks to the rather terrible news in all the papers this week), but we got away with it. Personally I can't decide if the shepherd thing gets funnier or more irritating (or both) What do you think?
4) Richard Thomas: Bathing in gravy - Stu had hoped for more realistic dogs, but maybe it looked sillier this way.
5) Gail Porter - We're truly fed up with this latest trend of TV presenters acting like soft porn stars. Why should they do it and what message is it sending out? Porter is the worst of these, and I think the audience reaction showed that many of you feel the same way. Really it was just a way into having Stu as a puritan (we wrote this bit Tuesday and then the Porter pictures came out on Wednesday and it just fitted so well it was spooky - for once the news acting in our favour). And that's as much about puritan's being repressed as the question of what Porter and co are up to.
6) Unusual Priest - Kev used some real people's names in his list of those who had let him down, but they weren't people who'd genuinely let him down. One was his sister. The bun line was another ad lib.
7) Inflatable Woman - This is another bit of material from the Riverside try-outs and we put it in this week so that it would match up with the Planet of the Apes spoof. In the original script there was also a bit about Rich having an inflatable and stomach, which he always puts on his highest setting. We were also censored by the executive producer, which went like this:
S Do you get any strange looks from people?
R Prejudices. Small minded. People spit at me in the street, shouting abuse at me, putting excrement through my door
S They did that before you got the doll didn't they?
R Yes. They probably put less excrement through my door than they used to if anything.
S Maybe they want you to get more dolls.
R The more dolls, the less excrement?
R It's a strange way to demonstrate their support. But it's a welcome gesture.
The executive producer felt this could be misconstrued as excrement through a letter box is the kind of thing racists do. In the present climate, just in case, we agreed.
8) When Things Fall over: Beetroot again, again - A great performance by all concerned again. Kev putting Paul in the bin was once again an ad libbed idea.
9) Yashmak - Of course the Yashmak is actually just the face part of the womanwear, but it's a good word and generally thought to mean the whole thing. Is puritanical dress more sexy for what it covers? It seems so in Stu's case from the e mails this week!
10) The Aims - Again these seemed to go pretty well. The 11o clock one particularly. Rich ad libbed the stuff about who's going to copy us now to cover the applause. Sorry if we really upset you Iain, but I think it was the audience reaction that would be the most upsetting thing. I doubt anyone from Channel 4 would have been watching. Let's face it no-one from the BBC was. My depressing thought for just passed the half way stage of the series is that the 11 o clock show definitely has another series and we haven't (not definitely haven't, just it hasn't even been discussed). The world is not a place of justice.
11) Histor's Eye - Pliny in for another bit of a kicking, but then it was probably preferable to whatever Histor had planned. We filmed the opening and ending before the middle bit was written (but I think they really would do that on Histor's Eye) which explains why there is no reference to what has happened to Pliny in the final section.
12) King of the Show - In rehearsal Nathalie nearly passed out in her heavy dark shrouds. She must have been very claustrophobic. Emma thinks that Trev was wearing the same wig she wore for Margaret in WTFO. I cannot confirm or deny this.
13) Food and Milk: Shrew Hat - There is not much to say about this one, except Nathalie wore the same hat later in the show.
14) King of the Show - This went quite well this week, unfortunately Kate (number 1) got a bit nervous and her impression was not all it could have been. But she never would have beaten the elbow girl. Let's face it 3 always wins!
15) Lazarus - Roger Mann (aka Roger Crowley) came back in to play Lazarus (and ad libbed most of the funny stuff). It had always struck us both how redundant it is to raise someone from the dead if they're just going to die again (although Lazarus actually lived for many years and did loads of good work, according to the Bible). There was some very funny stuff about chattles, starring the illustrator Joseph Champniss, but we had to cut it as the sketch was too long. Some great acting and reacting, from Emma, Rog and Stu.
16) Sherbet - We wrote this material in the week of Richard Bacon's sacking, but it became topical once more with the sacking of Johnny Walker. We're pretty anti-drugs ( I have never even seen cocaine in real life and that is true) but it annoys us when the BBC sack individuals when so many people are up to it. And cocaine is a stupid drug that makes people into arrogant, nasty tits. So that's what this is about. Are too many crappy shows on TV the result of performers and executives coked off their head? You might think that, I could not possibly comment.
The Robbie tattoo seems to be popular. He should be back next week, but then might take a rest as I'm fed up of having black marker on my belly all the time!
17) Lettuce: Baby - What can you say? Here is the English script. Did you spot the re-use of the Harrison Bertwistle music that we use in the milk sketch?
6) BABY - TO BE FILMED
USE OPENING SHOTS OF BOYFRIEND ONE.
TITLE - "LABOUR OF LEAF" 2 LETTUCE LEAVES, MUM & DAD ON SOFA.
MUM Don't forget George, Emmy and Lumpy are bringing their baby home tonight, so just you be nice to them.
DAD Really Alice, when have I ever been anything less than charming.
EMMY/RABBIT (off) We're here Mum!
CANNED LAUGHTER DOOR OPENS. A LETTUCE LEAF AND A WHITE RABBIT POKE ROUND WITH PRAM.
EMMY Hello Mum, Dad, here is Ian.
WE SEE THE BABY IN A SMALL PRAM. IT IS A RABBIT'S STUFFED HEAD STUCK ONTO A PIECE OF LETTUCE.
BABY EEEEEEEEEEE! (LIKE ORANGE)
MUM & DAD Oh my God!
RABBIT Well, you don't see that every day!
CANNED LAUGHTER. LEAVES FALL OFF SOFA. CANNED LAUGHTER. GIRL LEAF CRIES. MUSIC CREDITS.
18) Curious Alien - The nation is divided over who they want, the alien or the orange. Will it ever be resolved? Which one of us can see the future? It's nice to see the loving relationship between the alien and Stu developing.
19) Punk Song - Richard Thomas and our posh actor friend Andrew Mallett combined to create a terrible 1980s musical act. Rich was in an act called Miles and Milner in real life, but that was very different to this (and anyone who says it wasn't is lying). Nice to see the resentment between the 2 characters.
20) Corrshrine: Yashmaked up - I like the fact that the Mick Hucknall joke always gets a laugh, even though it doesn't mean anything. Another mention of the Mancorr, look out for more of those.
21) Planet of the Apes - Believe it or not this was shot in exactly the same place as the Thelma and Louise sketch (in fact you can see the tyre marks on the "beach") All the sea etc was blue screened in (and the things buried in the sand were tiny models - obviously). We weren't able to replicate exactly what Heston says at the end cos our portable TV/video broke down, so I guessed it. David Collins played the horse and my (now deceased) blow up girlfriend was the savage woman. The dancing monkeys were played by Bianca (assistant assistant director) and Betsy (American student). They were standing on a big pile of horse dung and wood chipping that was nearby to where we were filming. The extra voice over line about Heston was added by Stu at the dub on Thursday. That's how up to the minute we are!
22) Planet of the No milk - We ad libbed this on Saturda and stuck it in as a filler, but not too bad considering.
23) Nostradamus - The burgeoning love that dare not speak its name continues. Will Rich and Nosty ever get together? Is he a man or a woman? We don't know. We're making it up as we go along. Emma ad libbed the blowing line on Friday. She's a bad mystic. To the slightly annoyed Star Trek fan, we like Star Trek, but it was more like something that would happen in old Star Trek, which isn't as good as new Star Trek.
24) Quinlank: Pub toilet - We were slightly rushed in the writing and execution of these sketches, (after Rod Hull's death) but they're still going down pretty well. The comedy fans in the audience spotted Al Murray the pub landlord playing the pub landlord (again he adlibbed many of his comments). When will he get his own TV series? When the coked up TV nits pull their fingers out of their arses.
25) The end - The death of my girlfriend actually involved two different blow up dolls. I hope you appreciated me eating the sherbet at the end, it was very unpleasant and I wasn't even sure I'd done it in time to get included. Puritanical Stu made sure that Trev and Nat didn't dance too close.
26) Orange: Mini cab - We shot this in the morning before the show (no editting, 2 cameras- clever). Will the orange return from this dead end or will it get worse first? Come on, what do you think?