Fist Of Fun
SHOW 03 - BROADCAST 27th October 1993 | Recorded @ Lancaster University, Lancaster
Welcome to the sometimes incoherent Fist Of Fun.
Rich starts proceedings by telling us that if Fist Of Fun was a breakfast cereal, it wouldn't be Common Sense Oat & Bran Flakes, oh no. It'd be "stupid Unnecessary Risk Broken Glass & Razorblade Krispies".
But Fist Of Fun isn't a breakfast cereal, it's a comedy show - and one that's so controversial that the duo have had literally one letter in their mailbag since the series began. This is from Mrs Jill M. Clegg, who writes "Your show betrays a woeful ignorance of true Christian belief, I wonder if you'd dare to broadcast something in the same vein, but targeting instead a travesty of the Islamic faith."
Well, No. As Stew points out, they may be atheists, but they're not stupid.
When asked by Stew what he's been up to this week, Rich champions his current favourite programme, "Supermarket Sweep" - the most compelling piece of television he has ever seen. He has yet to miss an episode, and - tragically enough - whenever he is at the checkout, and hears the beep - he begins to think of the fun he could be having on "Supermarket Sweep". Up next is a "Richard Herring is fat" routine, confused at this size, despite the fact that he drinks four litres of Diet Coke a day.
However, Rich concedes that things are starting to get out of hand and recounts his experience with the pizza delivery store where he has become as well known there as any member of the family that runs it. In fact, his custom is so valued that it is he that keeps the firm in business.
Stew suggests that the best way to lose weight is to bank with Mr T.R. Johnson of Barclays Bank in Wandsworth, Here's how to do it;
Make sure that your basic expenditure on travel, bills & rent, far exceeds what you're earning and then have Mr T.R. Johnson demand the return of your cash point card - despite the fact that you've given him contracts proving that you will be solvent by Christmas, so you literally cannot afford to buy any food.to eat. Simple.
After that little jaunt down the bitterness road, Peter is up next - with this week's first natural break.
Peter also has some lifestyle ideas - for example, if you're having terrible trouble getting out of bed in the mornings, just stay there.
Cracking on with his recipe for "easy toast", Peter suggests you take a slice of bread, leave it on top of your wardrobe for about six months, and when you bring it down it's all hard, just like toast. And if your room is damp, like his - then you might even get a sort of topping. Peter's looks a bit like stilton.
Picking up on the local area now, Rich & Stew invade the audience to find out what the students get up to at University. Stew notices that Lancaster University has the opportunity to go out "coppicing". They even have a "Coppicing Society", who are having a bazaar shortly. More student bashing follows, and student sex stereotypes are put into full force, as Rich turns his attention to Stew's recent experience with a minor case of genital warts. This leads nicely into "Fist Of Fun's Sexually Transmitted Disease Advice" slot - advising us that "1FM cares about your genitals"
Stew comforts the listening public by pointing out that a moral obligation as a victim of a minor STD is to inform all your previous lovers, which means you can ring them up & go; "Hello, it's me - yeah, the trusting innocent man who's heart you smashed into the dirt, well - you remember when we were going out you said I never gave you anything....."
Moving on, Rich & Stew think it would be a good idea to use their power of nationwide radio broadcasting to track down people from their past. Stew, in particular, would like to know where his mum & dad are....
Rich then welcomes to the Studio "The Girl Who Smelt Of Spam" from his school. As played by Rebecca Front (note, in the TV version, Sally Philips took on the role...) Referring to her throughout the entire interview as "The Girl Who Smelt Of Spam", it soon becomes apparent that the only reason Rich has got her on the show is to torment her in exactly the same way he did twenty years previously. His childish taunts reduce "The Girl Who Smelt Of Spam" to tears as she tells of her attempts to find happiness in a string of meaningless sexual encounters. Stew consoles her and takes her off set before reprimanding Rich for his treatment of her.
Moving the topic of conversation to religion, the pantomime-reminiscent "Jesus Behind You" sketch is aired, which was later to be visualised on the television incarnation of "Fist Of Fun", and the "legal difficulties" video. This sketch features Jesus running around in the background, mocking Stewart and behaving childishly (Rich: "He's showing you his pants! Jesus is showing you his pants!") while Stew denounces his existence. Coincidentally enough, every time Stew turns round - Jesus isn't there. Written off as Richard's imagination. But the playful saviour was just hiding.
This goes on for a while, but when finally spotted by Stew, 'Jesus' comes clean & admits that he wasn't the real Jesus after all, just one of his helpers helping him out through a busy period. However, Stew is quick to point out that he's simply confused Jesus of Nazareth with Father Christmas. Hilarity ensues.
With Rich & Stew this week have been the actor, Kevin Eldon, Rebecca Front & Peter Baynham.