That Was Then,This Is Now
SERIES ONE Show One - Broadcast 2nd October 2004
Welcome to That Was Then, This Is Now - the show that says if history teaches us anything, it is that the battle of Hastings took place in 1066 & Henry the 8th really liked wedding cake, and all kinds of cake, and pies. And beer. And killing his wives.
But apart from that it has taught us nothing at all.
And that's because history is so boring, but Rich & co are here to remedy this.
As far as Herring's concerned, the best thing about history was the legs of Joanna Thompson, who sat near him in class back at school.
Perhaps grafting history onto Joanna's legs & teaching it to dance would make it more appealing?
But he's not advocating the amputation of teenage girls, he's just trying to find a way to make history sexy.
But surely that's impossible - history is boring!
Christian Reilly & The Warnings From History are the first step in this mission. That's right, a pop band is always sexy!
This week in History:
1st Oct 1939 - Churchill describes Russia as a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. Thus inventing the Kinder Egg
27th Sept 1961 - Sierra Leone becomes the 100th memeber of the UN
26th sept 1934 - Queen Mary Launched
Rich explains that - over the series - he will be aided & abetted by a team of history experts.
So, please welcome the first of his guests, Mr Morgan - his History teacher from School!
Together, they look at Emile Zola & the controversy surrounding his "J'accuse" letter
Poor Old Emile Zola - he lived his life like a candle in the wind - a big candle, in a very light wind.
Mr Morgan keeps correcting Rich, but he insists that by proving a parallel between the past and today, he can make history sexy and therefore make them sexy by association.
But now, it's time for TV's Emma Kennedy, and her Births Deaths & Marriages spot
This weeks sees the following notable dates
Birth - Catherine Zeta Jones & Michael Douglas - both on 23rd September
Death - 222 BC - Aristotle, who died from indigestion
Marriage - Robert Englund & Nancy Booth.
A woeful joke about Englund's most famous role, Freddy Krueger, and how it would be terrible if Englund got confused & sliced his new bride on their wedding night lands Emma in trouble with Rich - who will not stand for such a cheap shot - and banishes her back to TV, where she belongs. Branding her a "Mawkish Harridan"
Continuing the theme, Rich has discovered that - historically - it's been a terrible week for Popes - 5 of them have all kicked the bucket within the same 7 day period.
Coincidence, or something more sinister?
Mr Morgan counters Rich's theory, by pointing out that there have been some 265 Popes up to this point in history, so - statistically - it is entirely likely that multiple popes would die in any weekly span.
Rich is most interested in Pope Boniface 9th who was apparently afflicted by a rare skull disorder, that gave him an exceptionally bony face.
But he was Boniface the 9th - meaning there must have been - of course - 8 other Bony-faced pontifs before him, not forgetting the controversially appointed Pope Skeletor 1st.
Over to Christian, now. He's curious about this Joanna Thompson Rich has been mentioning.
He thinks it might have been the same Joanna Thompson that he knew.
He had a holiday romance with her some time ago, but lost touch with her, he remembers wistfully.
Still, never mind - time for a history based song from the band.
This week in history, The Soviet Union introduced it's first 5 year plan for industry & agriculture which expedited the collectiviasation of farms, thereby moving towards the ultimate goal - the state monopolisation of food.
So this week's song is called; "Do You Remember When The Soviet Union introduced it's first 5 year plan for industry & agriculture which expedited the collectiviasation of farms, thereby moving towards the ultimate goal - the state monopolisation of food."
We are now told that, up until this week in 1820, people in America believed the tomato to be poisonous.
They were proved wrong when Robert Johnson publicy ate a bushell of tomatoes on 28th Sept 1820 in Salem, Massachusets.
However, Roland & Nancy Pavey - the mayor & mayoress of Cheddar, Somerset (Rich & Mr Morgan's home town) are on hand to doubt the safety of tomatoes, and Rich is challenged by Mr Morgan to eat a whole bushell himself to prove they are not poisonous to his backwards townsfolk.
Rich accepts the challenge, and attempts to chomp through 25 kilograms of tomatoes during the next sketch, which tells us of the events of 25th Sept 1939, when Andora & Germany signed a treaty officialy ending the 1st world war.
On the return to the studio, Rich can't take any more, and the tomatoes are back - all over Mr Morgan's suede shoes, thus validating the Pavey's claims.
Covered in tomato sick, Rich draws the show to a close, but is interrupted by the surprise arrival of Joanna Thompson from history class!
She was listening to the show, and couldn't believe it when she heard Christian was on and has come to find him!
After Rich's initial disappointment that she hadn't come back for him, he realises that Joanna has proved his hopes that they have managed to make history sexy.
By this logic, the whole team will have attracted someone by the end of the series!