That Was Then,This Is Now
SERIES ONE Show Three - Broadcast 16th October 2004
Rich starts the show by ridiculing 16th Century enlightenment writer, Voltaire - who once described the sound of history.
Rich doesn't believe history has a sound, but if it did - it would sound like the house band - Christian Reilly & Stalingrad
Christian wastes no time in asking Rich how he got on with Madelaine from Moulin Rouge last week, he wants to know how the date went!
Well, it went quite well in the end - until Rich held her in his arms to kiss her. Her 136 year old bones crumbled to dust - like that skellington at the end of Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade.
This week in history
12th October 1823 - Charles Mackintosh of Scotland begins selling raincoats
14th october 1933 - the nazis break away from the league of nations.
Rich is joined this week by both Mr Morgan from show 1 & Brian O'Green from show 2.
Mr Morgan tells us that, unfortunately, he's currently on suspension from his work at the school due to the comments made on national radio about Joanna Thompson in show 1.
This week saw the battle of Hastings in 1066 which leads Rich into a bit of Hastings-slagging, proclaiming it wasn't worth fighting for in the first place, this leads into a sketch that illustrates his point before they discuss the school of thought that thinks William the Conqueror only tried to invade to acquire a new nickname - having previously been known as william the bastard he had very little to lose.
TVs Emma Kennedy's back for her Births Deaths & Marriages spot
BIRTH - Margaret Thatcher & Lenny Bruce were both born on 13th Oct 1925
DEATH - Chico Marx died 11th oct 1961
MARRIAGE - 11th Oct - Liz Taylor's 6th wedding - marrying Richard Burton for the 2nd time.
She hasn't learnt though - and yet another weak joke spews from her TV mouth. At this rate, we'll all end up married to Elizabeth Taylor. Rich takes her comments literally & forcefully corrects the mawkish hoyden.
We're told that Napoleon started his exile on St Helena on 15th Oct 1815
The Desert Island Discs music brings in a skit on the subject, comparing exile to a simple holiday.
As Napoleon attempts to enjoy his exile and "get away from it all for a bit" he is bothered by autograph hunters.
Back to the Studio, Mr Morgan & Rich discuss the worst invention of the week - the frosted lightbulb, which was patended this week in 1928 by Marvin Pipkin.
After all, all Pipkin did was take Eddison's lightbulb & obscured the light with "frost".
That's just not good enough, according to Rich. It's like the cheeseburger - invented in 1934 - which follows a similar vein, it's just a burger with cheese on it!
Time now for the song from Christian Reilly & Stalingrad. This week in 1694 saw the passing of Matsuo Basho - one of the greatest Haiku poets, and their song is a tribute to him, featuring their own Haiku's sprinkled through it.
Against Rich's protests, it is now Brian O'Green's "Conspiracy Theory Corner"
Brian's preposterous theory this week involves Orson Welles, The Beatles, Voles & Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre.
He is obviously wrong.
We have time for just one more historical story from Mr Morgan now, before closing the show.
The 14th October 1586 saw Mary Queen Of Scots put on trial for conspiracy against Queen Elizabeth 1st.
As it happens, Mr Morgan has some friends - Tony & Brenda Williams - who are members of a historical re-enactments society & know quite a bit about this period having re-enacted the events themselves.
During the course of the interview, however, Rich reveals them to be historical swingers with no information on the life of Mary Queen Of Scotch at all.
And that's it. No cliffhanger this week, but who knows what next week will bring?