That Was Then,This Is Now
SERIES THREE Show Four - Broadcast 3rd January 2008
It's 2008 - Welcome to the first TWTTIN of the year, which we can celebrate, along with the mythological creature Samantha Janus who is clearly happy she has landed the eastenders job - things had started to become a little quiet...
So, it's time to welcome the house band, Christian Riley & Diplodocus
Rich enquires after Christian's Christmas - did he have a good one?
Now Christian's got a son, he has noticed just how much more special the festive season feels - but he's distracted by Rich's seeming lack of interest in his answer, and some sex noise. What's going on?
Well, it turns out that Rich is having sex with a serving wench, because history is boring - he has learned from TV show "The Tudors" and is following their lead, by throwing meaningless sex scenes in at random to make it more appealing.
So, back to boring old history - unbelievably, it's a year since Saddam was hanged - in such a dignified manner too... Rich compares it to happy slapping - and there was even a mobile phone clip to back up that comparison.
But wasn't he just a scoundrel? A lovable rogue?
Saddam was executed on 30th dec 2006, and it seems a shame that they didn't just wait a day & kill 2 birds with one stone?
It could have been a marvelous new year's celebration?
House band Diplodocus tell us that this week in the year 2000 - a mentally disturbed man hijacked a BA plane to Kenya.
The crew & some business class passengers managed to bundle him out & avoid a crash by seconds, fortunately.
Amongst the passengers was one Brian Ferry, so now it's time for a Roxy Music style song on the subject.
Handing back to Rich, we learn that it was this week in history that Japan's Emperor Hirohito announced that he wasn't a god (after 45 years of claiming divinity) on 1st January 1956
This is illustrated by a sketch, before returning to the studio where we find Rich tupping a milking wench as he tells us that 1st january 1985 saw the first mobile phone call - which apparently took place between vodaphone & comedian Ernie Wise
And now it's time for a part of the show that Rich had thought we'd seen the back of - it's TV's Emma Kennedy's Births, Deaths & Marriages
BIRTH: 46th Birthday for Heather Mills McCartney this week
DEATH: Jacob Fugger, Merchant Banker died this week in 1524
MARRIAGES: Roy Rogers married Dale Evans this week in 1947
After quarrelling over the hackneyed comedy idea that Camilla Parker Bowles might look like a horse, Rich banishes Kennedy once more, and hands over to Brian O'Green - conspiracy theorist & internerd.
He's using his time on the show for a new section called "What if that thing that happened in history hadnt happened in history & something else had happed instead?"
So, what might have happened if things had turned out differently.Well, in 1962 - The Beatles auditioned for Decca records, who turned them down.
Dick Rowe's mistake paved the way for EMI's signing. But - postulates Brian - what if no one had signed them?
Positives: no Ringo Starr, No Frog Chorus, No Oasis
Negatives: If The Beatles hadn't been successful - The Monkees would have filled their space!
Mickey Dolenz would have been assassinated instead of John Lennon, Metal Mickey might have been slightly different, and Tip Ex would never have existed (because, as Brian reminds us, Mike Nasmith's mum invented it!)
This week, Davy Crockett died this week at The Alamo, Crockett, of course, was famous for his coon skin hat and a sketch tells us exactly how he saved the Alamo.
Back to the studio, Rich is giving one of his ladies a Golden Shower - until he's interrupted by his legal wife, TV's Emma Kennedy. She is quite affronted that Rich is showering a servant gold with her, rather than her.
In the tradition of Rich's hero, King Henry 8th, he prepares to behead TV's Emma Kennedy and as the guillotine hangs over her head, Christian suggests leaving the beheading until next week - thus creating a dramatic tension & cliffhanger to entice their listeners to tune in next week...