That Was Then,This Is Now
SERIES THREE Show Two - Broadcast 6th December 2007
Welcome back to the show that takes a sideways look at what happened this week in history, which, in other words means that the cast get drunk, look at Wikipedia & write down anything that comes into their crapulous minds. (Crapulous means drunk, by the way - so don't write in to complain).
Anyway, let's get the show started - it's over to Christian Reilly & the Tollpuddle Martyrs
Christian's a little concerned this week - where's TV's Emma Kennedy? She's not turned up for the show this week
Rich seems to play dumb, almost forgetting that they were married at the end of the last series, before suggesting that perhaps she's gone to america to pursue her career as a showgirl - which, coincidentally enough is what Dr. Crippen said had happened to his wife...
Rich tries to move the conversation on, pointing out that he has been chosen to present this show as he has a History degree from Oxford University, but he chose to use it to become a scatological comedian rather than a professor or historian, which lead a friend of his grandfather's to genuinely comment "What a waste of a good education" upon hearing one of his earlier radio shows.
But Rich would never have made it as a history academic anyway, he copied all his work at Uni from Paul Clegg!
But Rich feels guilty that copying all Pauls' work has lead him down this career path, and thus the gig of presenting this show. To make it up to Paul, and to show his gratitude, Rich has invited him to co-present the show. Please welcome Paul Clegg!
Paul enters, with a bit of banter about Paul's work as a traveling suit salesman, indeed - he's slightly concerned that Rich is now 40 years old, and still not dressed appropriately. Rich explains that he's happy wearing his jeans & T-shirt, and tries to move things along into the next part of the show by asking Paul for the sketches. After all, if he's going appear on the show & enjoy all the benefits, it's only fair he writes a couple of sketches. Paul's not really thought ahead, though - and it does seem a little unfair that Rich is still expecting him to do all the work after all this time. But, still - never mind - here's Paul's first idea:
The 5th december 1974 was the last episode of Monty Python's Flying Circus - and their most famous sketch was the dead parrot sketch, so let's take a look at that.....
What follows is more or less a straight rip off of Dead Parrot, which Rich interrupts, pointing out that it is the same sketch verbatim - You can't just copy things out word for word. Pointing out that Rich used to do exactly that with his essays, Paul seems to have won the argument. Rich calls a halt to proceedings, and introduces the band while the rest of the team tries to come up with more material.
Christian points out that 7th Dec 1949 - saw the birth of Tom Waits, and introduces a Tom Waits parody song, appropriately titled "Tom Wait's Birthday".
Christian Riley & the Tollpuddle Martyrs, there - Rich comments on the name of the band - pointing out that the Tollpuddle Martyrs were the worst martyrs ever - they died so that we could remember tollpuddle - but who does, really?
Paul Clegg intervenes, correcting his facts and stopping Rich's rant before going on to offer christian & the band suits.
But he's not here to sell suits, What else does he know about this week in history?
Well, on December 4th 1154 - the only English Pope, Nicholas Brakespeare, started his papalcy under the name "Adrian 4th".
This leads nicely into Rich's story of his application for the job of pope as per warming up of 4th April 2005
There is, of course, a reference to current pope having been in the Hitler youth, as Rich bemoans "I thought if it came to a choice between me & someone who was in the hitler youth...."
So, what else happened on this week in History? On December 2nd 1814- the Marquis De Sade died
and 8th December 1980 saw John Lennon's assassination. Of course, there's nothing funny about that, but Rich begins to reflect that he is now older than John Lennon ever got to, and sometimes he wonders that he's not achieved as much. Mozart, too - he died this week in 1791 at the age of 35 - having composed since childhood - he was most certainly a genius.
Perhaps he should judge himself against someone less prodigious, Shirley Crabtree (Big Daddy) died this week in 1997.
Big Daddy, of course, was Rich's hero - and here's Big Daddy's Life Story (which more or less copies Mother Theresa's birth sketch from an earlier episode)
So remember, if you are being bullied at school, become grossly overweight, put on a back to front woman's swimming costume & hit people with your big fat belly
So, in wrapping up the show - how did Paul enjoy his stint as co host of the show?
Well, it was ok - but ultimately, it was all a bit shallow. Maybe selling suits isn't as glamorous, but - at least his suits are real - not like Rich & his "emperor's new clothes" career!
But wait! The PopeFinder general has just arrived! Rich's letter was brilliant - the church needs re-branding, so will Rich be pope?
But can they decide on a papal name? Pope Richard Herringus the 1st sounds good - as soon as he's signed the official document, it'll all be legal!
But wait! Police Detective Seargent Pamela Starkey has just arrived to arrest Rich for the murder of Emma Kennedy.
Richard Herring? A Married Murderer? Well, that's scuppered his plans for Papal success then, and the Popefinder General leaves just as Emma turns up - she's sorry she's late - she had to film a part in "My Family"
But what about last week's poison?
That wasn't poison - that was Rohypnol! To put Emma to sleep, so Rich didn't have to sleep with her of course!