Got to be quick. I'm meant to be writing my play. No info on audience numbers or complaints.

1) NO PRESIG - There wasn't time.

2) My name is Lola - For me this was the most nerve wracking item in the series, but Mizzy and Angela the other dancers were fabulous and really helped me through. Trev looked gorgeous as Tony and shaved especially! Think I got it nearly right, but they cut away a lot anyway so you didn't see lots of it which was a shame (or a blessing).

3) Rich T: Borg - He messed up his line. He was of course meant to say "resistance is irrelevant" but said futile instead. Sorry Trek fans.

4) We had to cut a big routine about computer sex as we had so much to pack in. Here it is:
S What have you been up to this week Rich

RICH I've been on the information super net web this week Stew. I've been talking to hundreds of girls. They all love me. They want to know everything about me.

STEW Your credit card details?

RICH First of all yes, then they want to know about my winkie

STEW The thing about the Internet is that you could be talking to someone who says they're an attractive 27 year old woman and really they're a sweaty fifty year old man.

RICH I know Stu. But luckily my ideal partner is a sweaty 50 year old men pretending to be 27 year old woman. What do you think of that?

STEW Weak?

RICH I love my computer. And I mean I really love it

STEW You're sick.

RICH As long as the computer has given its consent.

STEW How can you tell if a computer has given its consent.

RICH Oh you can tell, my friend

STEW Saying it in a Southern Baptist voice doesn't make it any more true

RICH You can tell.

STEW Saying it in an x, doesn't make it anymore true. How can you tell

RICH They make a low almost inaudible humming sound.

STEW Computers always make a low almost inaudible hum sound.

RICH I know they're always up for it. Artificially intelligent strumpets!

STEW You're sick.

RICH I'm not sick Stew. I love all computer equipment. Modems, Scanners, VDUS, Course they're all VDUs by the time I've finished with them. (And laptops. And joysticks and terminal.)"
5) Vicar - Yes it was a lazy comedy slags style drugs joke, but unexpected still I think and one of the funnier ones of these.

6) Jumper - it was not really from Stu's gran, but it is the same one we used later in Seven. Nice to shift the status around for this show.

7) Food and Milk - We wrote this to replace the Pace sketch (see earlier BTS) and shot it in the same place as the Jesus one from last week. We had to do the whole last shot in one take and I am quite proud that the massive amount of milk that hit me in the face did not throw me.

8) History of Alt Com: Jesus - I wish we'd done more of this kind of thing (a Histor/Pliny one would have been fun, or even a Lee and Herring one) but Stu did brilliantly in getting this one together. I liked the way Jesus's hair was greyer.

9) Trevor and Nathalie - a tribute to David Darlington's web page which showed us how funny it is to juxtapose all the costumes that T&N have had to wear. They have been very good sports and after the last couple of weeks Nathalie especially wanted to look pretty. Trev didn't mind though! And they both got their revenge on us both.

10) Histor - it just seemed the obvious thing to do to have Pliny killed, but that doesn't mean the characters can't return (after all I was killed by the Sasquatch). In the rehearsal on Sunday I had an idea for a sketch called Histor and Pliny (deceased) in which the two go around solving historical crimes or something. So look out for that.

11) Competition - we had an unbelievable number of entires for this. It took us ages to read them all, but there were very few really original ones. It was good to see all the ones we picked out got a good laugh, so thanks to Alan Evans, Scott Walker and Chris Winchester. The crowning was short, partly for a joke (you've come all this way for this), but also cos we had to get so much stuff into the show.

12) When Things Fall Over - a rather bleak end to the series. In hindsight I'd like to have seen this second last and then had a sketch with them all in for the last one (especially as Em and Kev's characters were such fun). It might have been nice to see Carl Burnley exposed as what he is. But then again, that's not how life is. Fat Peter Gibbs would lose in real life I suspect.

13) Truman show - we'd planned to do more with the Truman show idea, but there just wasn't time.

14) Judas - Kev played this character perfectly through the whole series, so it was good that he got a sketch dedicated to him. I've always felt a bit sorry for Judas, for the reasons that are in this sketch. (cf Milton's Satan). Emma and Ivanhoe were that guards. Stu was more childish than usual as Jesus.

15) Quinlank - Stu wrote this one (he doesn't usually do the Quinlanks), and it had a great end of series feel to it. He also created all the art work (along with Steve, our AFM) which looked fantastic. I loved the way the music and the laughing cut together. Another character going mad though. There must have been something in the air this week! The sketch is flawed though as Quinlank never even attempts to drink his drink. This is wrong and a shame. It's the kind of mistake that Neil Petark would have made.

16) Nostradamus - Notably Ivanhoe fell out of his David Collins costume, though you didn't get to see this. The message is that you must love who you love, but also that sometimes we love people for the wrong reasons and that is why love dies. It was weird kissing someone with a beard though!

17) Se7en - we shot this on the same day and in the same place as Thelma and Louise and Planet of the Apes. Stylistically I think this is the best one of these (though I think Braveheart was the funniest all round). The look of the actors (Stu as Pitt, Kev as Spacey and Carlton as Morgan Freeman) was just fantastic. They'd all studied the film to get their gestures just right. There was a lot of testosterone in the air and they really loved doing it (even Stu who is often embarrassed when playing other characters). The direction and camera work was also incredible. Great work and actually very cheap. The helicopter happened to fly over as we were filming, so fortune was on our side. I played the voice of the helicopter pilot, for me the best performance in the sketch.

18) Curious Orange - many of you had noticed that the orange was turning into Davros. But this "costume" was amazing I thought. We had planned to do a tribute to the Dr Who episode "Genesis of the Daleks", with Tom Baker coming in to save us, but Tom said the part was "not for him". Here's how the script would have gone:
ORANGE Ha ha ha ha. That was great….. Right, where was I? Oh yes, I just have to pull this lever and then the world will be mine……

TOM BAKER Hold it right there.

ORANGE Oh no. It's mad actor, Tom Baker.

TOM BAKER Yes, curious orange. I have battled you many times in the future in many different galaxies. I have seen the havoc you will cause. And yet through the magic of time travel, here I am at your birth, your genesis.

STEW Like the genesis of the daleks

TOM BAKER No, it's different.


TOM BAKER But I have the power to stop your reign of evil now. If I just touch these 2 wires together the explosion will destroy the orange forever. Do I have the right?

RICH To destroy the Curious Orange? You can't doubt it.

TOM BAKER But some things will be better with the Orange. Many future races will become allies just because of their fear of the Orange.

STEW We're talking about a speaking piece of citrus fruit, the most evil creature ever invented. You must destroy him

TOM BAKER (STARING AT WIRES) Do I have the right? Listen if I showed you a child, and told you that the child would grow up to be a ruthless dictator, who would murder millions of innocent people. Could you then kill that child?

STEW Yeah. Easily.

TOM BAKER Well when you put it like that.


STEW Ladies and gentlemen, the saviour of the human race, Tom Baker.
19) Lettuce: Jesus - I wish we'd done a bit more of this too. It's a great way to parody things having shrieking vegetables copy them. I'd say about 4 out of 5 e-mails about the lettuces are from people who don't like it, but the 1 in 5 love it. It's really the only thing in this series to have that effect (nearly everything did last time).

20) Goodbye song - we originally did a version of this over a decade ago at University with the Seven Raymonds (which Emma Kennedy, me and Stu were all in). So how's about that for reusing old material. We also used this version to close the tour show. Emma got covered in stinking Beetroot as Margaret Norman. It was sad to go, but also a relief as the series has been very hard work for me and Stu.

21) Rod Hull finale - it just felt right to have something from him. From your mails it seems pretty clear that you enjoyed it and saw it as what it was a tribute to the real Rod and also to the amazing skills of Kevin Eldon.

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